Project Loki
by Sheyrena Wyrsabane
Summary: Loki gets hit by a spell that requires him to remain in close physical contact with Steve. Steve decides to use this opportunity to try and convince Loki that super villain might not be the best career choice.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I've seen a lot of Loki/Tony stories where Loki gets hit with a love/lust spell or what have your and while I love the Tony-Loki dynamic because they're really quite similar, I wanted to give Steve and his capacity for unconditional love a chance at reforming Loki.

T for language and sexual references.

* * *

There is chaos surrounding them, the kind of chaos that comes from battling a super villain who has an arsenal of flash grenades and these other grenades that release something that make you itch something awful.

Steve doesn't know from personal experience but Clint is doing enough complaining that Steve has a bit of an idea how it feels. Steve wipes the sweat off his upper lip and holds his shield up to deflect another grenade.

"Is it just me or is this a lot of show and not a lot of damage?" Tony asks through the comm system.

"If you just jinxed us I will cut off your fingers and make you eat them." That's Natasha.

"I'm not complaining," Tony says. "I'm concerned. Has anyone found where all of this is coming from?"

"Guys, we've got company," Clint says. "And it's not the good kind. Loki's here and he looks pissed."

Steve ducks and rolls out of the way of an itch-grenade, Clint's name not his. "This doesn't seem like Loki's kind of party."

"Pissed with us or with mystery villain?" Tony asks.

"He's coming down the street," Clint says. "I'd suggest someone intercepting him."

Steve is the only one on the ground. Tony is flying, Clint is perched somewhere, Thor is two buildings over, and who only knows where Natasha is. Bruce is sitting this one out, because Fury hadn't flagged it as a major threat. Steve hopes they don't come to regret that decision.

"I'm on my way," Steve says, jumping over some rubble, and heading down toward the corner of Main St and Maple Ave.

Loki is standing in the middle of the street, smoke rising around him from all the grenades, looking around him for something. "I do not find this amusing. Return my helmet."

"This is over the horned thing?" Tony asks, laughing. "Loki is here, because someone stole his hat?"

"I do not find this amusing," Thor says, echoing his brother's words.

Steve skids to a halt ten feet away from Loki, and the god only casts the barest of glances in Steve's direction, before deciding he is either uninteresting or not a threat or both.

"My helmet," Loki repeats.

"What, you don't like it when people steal from you?" A humanoid figure drops from the sky in front of Loki wearing Loki's helmet. He touches the horns and smirks at Loki.

Loki seethes, his hands clenched into fists because how dare he wear Loki's helmet, but he doesn't make any forward movement.

"You probably don't like being on the receiving end of mischief either," the humanoid says. "What's that Earth saying, you can give it but you can't take it?"

"Oh, I bet he takes it very well," Tony says, the words coming out of his mouth before he realizes what he was saying and about who. "Oh shi-" is as far as he gets before Mjolnir knocks him from the air.

"I will kill you for dishonoring my brother!" Thor shouts and Steve shakes his head. It's a good thing the villain appears to be interested in Loki and not them or they'd be in trouble. Steve's going to have to talk to Coulson about having a few more team building activities.

"I'm confused," Loki says. "Are you trying your hand at petty revenge or are you trying to usurp my role as the god of mischief?"

The humanoid's eyes glint at the taunt. "I just want to have a little fun, that's all. At your expense, of course." He lifts his hands and throws some sort of spell at Loki.

Loki dodges but the spell takes a hard right and crashes solidly into him, sending him into the ground. Steve doesn't even think, he just moves, rushing to Loki's side. Loki is flat on his back, dragging in desperate breaths, his eyes squeezed shut.

Steve runs his hands over Loki's uniform, searching for any signs of a wound. "Are you all right?"

"I will be once you stop touching me."

Steve frowns at the hostility in Loki's voice, and he hits his shoulder, hard. "I'm trying to help you."

Loki's eyes open, shocked, and then he punches Steve across the jaw. "You idiot!"

Steve rubs his chin and glares at Loki's who's eyes looked glazed over, not as clear as they usually were. "What was that for?"

"Damn it," Loki says, punching the ground this time. "Damn it!"

It is so uncharacteristic that Steve can only stare, and Loki reaches his hand out, his fingers a moment away from touching Steve's cheek when he scowls and disappears. Steve stares at where Loki used to be trying to figure out what just happened.

He turns to the humanoid who is just standing there, smirking, and Steve doesn't know why, but he lunges at him, knocking the man to the ground. He grabs the helmet off his head and his fist is raised to hit the villain when Natasha lands gracefully, almost silently, next to him.

"He's coming with me, Cap," she says, grabbing the villain. "You can keep the hat. It's tacky."

Steve frowns and scoops up his shield. What had happened to Loki that had shaken him up so bad?

* * *

Natasha's interrogation doesn't get them anywhere which is surprising and pisses her off. She slams things around the kitchen, and everyone knows to get out of her way. It's clear that the villain didn't have any interest in anything but Loki, and Tony doesn't understand why they're trying so hard to figure out what's up. If someone's causing trouble for Loki then maybe it would keep him distracted enough to stop causing trouble for the Avengers.

Steve goes straight from the debriefing to his room where he sits cross legged on the floor and starts carefully wiping down Loki's helmet to remove the touch of the villain and Steve's fingerprints. Loki seemed upset about its loss, and Steve means to return it to him but first he wants it to be clean, because it's obviously very important to Loki. Steve would be incredibly angry if someone stole his shield and even more angry if it was returned dirty. He doesn't know how he's going to get the helmet back to Loki, but he's sure he'll think of something.

"There are so many jokes I could make right now about polishing Loki's horns."

Steve looks up to see Tony leaning against his door frame, jeans hanging loose on his hips, a smirk playing across his lips.

"Haven't you gotten in enough trouble for making sexual comments about Thor's brother for one day?" Steve doesn't stop sliding the oiled cloth along one of the horns, and Tony winces at the memory of Mjolnir hitting him, but he doesn't lose his interest in Steve's hand. "Can't you go ogle someone else for awhile?"

"Why, you want to be left alone with Loki's helmet?"

Steve doesn't even bother to glare. It would only serve to encourage Tony. "Something happened to him. I don't like it."

Tony sighs. "First of all, he's the enemy. You can't save everyone. Second of all, he seemed perfectly fine to me. You said yourself it didn't look like he took any damage."

Tony hadn't seen the look on Loki's face when he opened his eyes. He hadn't seen the brief flash of panic, the utter loss of control. "He still got hit with something."

"Maybe it'll kill him," Tony says. "Nice stroking, Cap. Get a lot of practice in the army?"

Steve does glare this time, but then he ignores Tony until the other man leaves. He wonders if he can use Loki's helmet to draw the god here.

* * *

Turns out, he can, though Steve hadn't intended for things to play out this way. And by this way, Steve means he wakes up in the middle of the night feeling that something isn't quite right, and then he hears a whimper from the foot of his bed.

He scrambles to the edge of his bed, wondering if he should've grabbed his shield when he sees a hunched, shaking form on his floor. The green cape ripples all the way down to the carpet like tears, and Steve cannot believe that this is Loki before him. Loki in his bedroom having a breakdown. Is this a trick? Should he call for help?

"I hate you," Loki says, his voice pained and muffled by his cape.

"For any particular reason?" Steve asks and realizes he's starting to sound like Tony. He needs to fix that.

"You made me look at you."

Steve isn't sure if that's supposed to be cryptic or if he's missing something, but he eases down off his bed to sit next to Loki. Loki's shoulders are hunched, his chin tucked into his chest, and Steve puts a hand on Loki's shoulder, hesitant.

"Are you okay?" It's a stupid question, because Loki is obviously not okay. He's huddled on Steve's bedroom floor, and he's not trying to cause trouble, he actually seems like he's trying hard not to cry. Steve expects Loki to snap at him, and it's even more of a warning when he doesn't.

"No."

Loki's voice is hushed, and almost breaks on the word, and Steve wants to wrap his arms around the man and hold him, but he's afraid of what Loki would do so he keeps his hands to himself.

"Is this about your helmet? I have it if you want it."

Loki laughs, a harsh, broken sound. "No. This is not about my helmet. This is about my body."

He turns to Steve now and even in the dim lighting of the room, Steve can see that he looks like shit. His eyes are ringed by dark circles and his face looks haggard, strained. Steve reaches a hand out before he can help it, and as his hand cups Loki's cheeks, Loki's eyes flutter shut and a hiss of relief escapes his lips.

"Who did this to you?" Steve asks, but he knows the answer to this too. The man they have in captivity. The magic he used. Steve doesn't know what the spell's intent was, but it has certainly had a negative effect on Loki.

Loki's eyes are clearer as they pierce Steve's. "You did. I need to sleep."

"Here?" Steve asks. He still can't believe any of this. Maybe he's having another weird dream, but even as he thinks it, he knows it's not true. As improbable as what he's seeing is, it's true.

"Would I have come here if that's not what I intended?"

"With you, I have no idea," Steve says. He realizes that he's still touching Loki, and he starts to pull back when Loki makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat, and Steve pauses, his fingertips still brushing Loki's skin. Loki flushes, embarrassed, and Steve doesn't know what to do.

There's a long moment where Steve stares at Loki, and Loki pointedly doesn't make eye contact, and Steve eventually stands up. This time when he pulls back, Loki doesn't protest.

"There should be room for both of us," he says. He knows this is a terrible idea, and he can hear the dress down Fury would give him if he knew, but he figures that if Loki had wanted to kill him he would've done it already. Besides, there's something so needy about Loki right now that Steve wants to comfort him. It's wrong and he should probably be worried about it, and maybe it's time for another visit to the shrink, but he climbs back into bed, making sure there's enough space for Loki too.

Loki drops his cape to the floor and starts fiddling with his leathers. He gives up after a few moments and with a muttered word his clothing drops away. Steve blushes and looks up at the ceiling and thinks that this just got stranger than he thought it would.

"You're even more modest than most humans," Loki says and when Steve spares a look he sees that Loki's now wearing his cape again. He's just not wearing anything else.

Steve is careful to keep his eyes on Loki's face, and there's a hint of the Loki he's used to in the smirk tugging at his lips. "Modesty was valued more during my time."

Loki stands at the edge of Steve's bed for a long moment, and Steve is content to watch the emotions flicker across Loki's usually guarded face. There's indecision but the indecision is a mix of fear, worry, anger, pride, and a need so painful Steve almost looks away, but he doesn't because this look holds the answer to why Loki's here.

But Steve's had a long day, and he's tired so finally he holds a hand out to Loki. "Look, I don't know why you're here. I'm guessing you're not going to tell me, and I'm not sure I'd believe you even if you did. If you're going to come to bed then just do it."

Loki smiles, amusement ghosting across his face before it's replaced by a sneer. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was inconveniencing you."

While his word are harsh, his gaze is locked on Steve's hand, and every so slowly Loki's long fingers reached out to touch his fingertips to Steve's. The slight touch is enough for Steve, and he grasps Loki's hand, pulling him into bed.

Loki wraps his cape around himself and keeps his back to Steve, but he doesn't let Steve pull his hand away. Instead, he clutches it between his hands, holding it to his chest, and Steve hopes that things will make more sense in the morning.

Steve wakes up first, and his arm is now wrapped around Loki's left shoulder, holding the smaller man against him. Steve didn't expect Loki to be here when he woke up in the morning, and he doesn't expect to enjoy waking up with another person in his bed. Especially since that person is Loki.

Steve runs his fingers through Loki's hair and it is slick with grease and ash, and Steve again finds himself wondering what has happened to Loki. He's let himself go, to the point where he came crawling to Steve for—for what? Help? Protection? The feel of a body against his back?

Steve has no idea what's going on, and he knows he's way out of his league, but all he's ever wanted to do is help people, and Loki is in desperate need of help.

He starts to pull back, because he wants to shower before Loki wakes up, but Loki grabs Steve's hand in his sleep and doesn't let go. Steve settles back onto his pillow. He can't remember the last time he spent the morning in bed. Maybe it's time he relaxed a little.

He slides closer to Loki, letting his body curl around the smaller man.

* * *

Steve knows when Loki wakes up. The god stirs, slowly at first, and then he registers where he is or at least that he's somewhere unfamiliar, and he throws himself out of bed. Steve sits up and watches Loki warily, waiting for death threats or magic or something.

Loki stands up, unashamed that he's in nothing but his cape, and his eyes dart frantically about the room before he sees Steve, and his shoulders slump, resigned.

"You," he says.

"You seem to be angry with me," Steve says. "Angrier than usual. You feel like sharing why yet?"

Steve can't help but notice that Loki's looking better after his brief rest. He looks less worn out, but he's still not 100%. Loki opens his mouth, and Steve thinks he's finally going to get an answer when his door bursts off its hinges, and Tony skids into his room, followed shortly by the other Avengers.

Tony does a slow sweep of Loki's, almost completely naked, body, and turns to Steve. There's a mixture of awe and disgust on his face. "I was joking about polishing Loki's horn."

Thor knocks Tony to the ground and steps over his body to rush his brother. He envelopes Loki in hug that looks more painful than friendly, and he's frowning when he pulls back. "You do not look well, brother. And where are your clothes?"

"They're on the floor," Tony says, pulling himself to his feet. "The better question is, why is he half-naked in Steve's room?"

Loki's shoulders stiffen, and Steve sees all the emotion drain out of his eyes. There went his chance at a breakthrough. Though he has more important things to worry about at this moment like a good reason why Loki is in his room

"I was attempting to seduce him," Loki says.

Steve chokes on the breath he was drawing and Loki flicks him an annoyed look.

"What, he didn't go for the you're made to be ruled so kneel at my feet and suck my dick line?" Tony asks. "Shocker."

Steve shifts uncomfortably on his bed. Now that he's over the initial shock of everyone bursting into his room unannounced he realizes that he's still in his pajamas, and they've violated his privacy, and he'd really rather if everyone left so he could get dressed.

"I don't understand," Thor says, looking between Loki and Steve, a look of deep sadness on his face. "Why did you go to him? If you needed something you should have come to me."

"The spell," Steve says and the look Loki gives him is a cross between 'congratulations you figured it out' and 'you're a dumbass I can't believe it took you that long'. "You looked at me and that somehow connected us."

"Spell?" Thor asks. "No one said anything about magic."

"How did you miss it?" Clint asks. "It was all Steve would talk about for the whole debriefing meeting. Something hit Loki, I think we should be concerned. Oh my goodness, why doesn't anyone care that a super villain got hit with a harmless spell."

"Clearly it wasn't so harmless," Steve says and there's a bite in his voice that has everyone staring at him. He blushes and pulls his sheet up to cover his white crew neck t-shirt.

Tony rolls his eyes. "Steve, you walk around in that same exact shirt every day, and I'm betting your pajama pants are looser than your khakis or your suit, and you have a naked god in your room so stop acting so modest. Speaking of, can he put some clothes on?"

"I thought you were enjoying the view," Loki says, turning to give Tony a straight on view. He preens at the way Tony goes slack-jawed for a moment before conjuring his clothes back on.

"What damage has been done to you?" Thor asks, tracing the dark circle under Loki's right eye.

Loki bats his hand away. "Nothing that I will not find a solution for."

"That wasn't the answer he was looking for," Natasha says. She still has a knife out, and she's still poised to launch herself at him and use it if need be.

"Then let us find your director," Loki says. "I do not want to have to repeat this more than once."

"Am I the only one who's concerned about the fact that Loki got into Start Tower undetected and isn't being treated as a hostile?" Clint asks.

"We detected him," Tony says. "Why do you think we're here right now?"

Steve doesn't mention that Loki's been here all night, and he pretends not to notice the curious glance Loki throws his way.

"He has not tried to harm anyone." Thor wraps a protective arm around Loki's frail shoulders as if anyone needs the reminder that Thor will beat up anyone who tries to hurt his little brother.

"If you'll all leave my room I'll get dressed, and we can go," Steve says.

There's a lot of grumbling, mostly from Clint who can't believe they're taking orders from Loki of all people, and a little bit from Bruce who had wanted to do experiment today and not sit in more meetings, but eventually they leave Steve's room, and he carefully doesn't think about the look Loki cast over his shoulder as he was leaving.

* * *

"You're joking," Coulson says.

He's the first to speak after Loki explains that the spell Huniva cast was one that bound the recipient to the next living thing they saw. In Loki's case, it was Steve meaning Loki craved Steve's touch. If he didn't get it then he would slowly experience more and more pain until it drove him mad.

Steve finally understands the state Loki had arrived to his room in, and he wonders how long he'd tried to hold out against the magic before giving in.

"Lying," Tony corrects. "He's the god of lies so the correct term would be lying."

"He's not lying," Steve says before he realizes he can't quite explain the way Loki looked when he first saw him. That would mean admitting that Loki had spent the night in his room, and he isn't quite prepared to do that yet, and he doesn't want to violate Loki's privacy. He had appeared to Steve in a state of vulnerability, of need, and Steve knows he's embarrassed by it, and he doesn't want to humiliate Loki any further. This bond, this dependency has to be bad enough as it is.

"And you know this how?" Director Fury asks.

Everyone's staring at Steve, and he doesn't actually have an answer so he shrugs and holds out his hands and Natasha groans.

"Let me guess, because you trust him, and everyone deserves a second chance?"

Steve folds his arms over his chest. He may not be willing to tell the truth, but he's tired of people treating him like he's stupid. "Why would he lie, sir?"

"Excuse me?" Fury's used to being talked back to. By Tony, by Clint, by Natasha, but he doesn't expect it from Captain America.

"Why would he lie?" Steve repeats, not backing down. "He appeared in my room and didn't try to harm me. He could've used his magic to vanish before the others reached my room, once they were already there, or even on the way here. I'm sure that," Steve gestures to the handcuffs and gag Loki has on, "is not particularly comfortable. I don't see any reason for him to be lying."

Fury's mouth opens and shuts, but he doesn't have a good response. "Do you know what you're suggesting, Rogers?"

"Because of an enemy spell, Loki needs me," Steve says. "I don't intend on letting him suffer. He will remain with me until the spell is broken." Tony makes an indigent noise, but Steve doesn't turn away from Fury. "I will move out of the Tower if necessary."

Chaos erupts in the room as every tries to shout louder than everyone else, and Steve leans back in his seat to wait it out. He looks over at Loki who is watching him with a curious expression, but is quickly disappears when he notices that he's being watched.

"What if he kills Steve?" Coulson shouts above the others.

"He will not," Thor says and his voice easily overpowers the other noise in the room and everyone quiets. "The spell does not break until the spell itself is broken. If Steve dies then Loki goes mad."

"You know this magic?" Fury asks.

"It's Asgardian in origin," Thor says casting a mournful look at his brother. "The spell will not break unless the caster undoes it or they unlock the secret."

"Unlock the secret?" Bruce asks like that's the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard.

Thor shrugs his massive shoulders. "It is different for every spell. Some require true love's first kiss. Others the first tears of a firstborn son. Others," Loki's hands on his arm cuts him off, and Thor reaches out to give it a squeeze. "I am sorry. I did not mean to upset you."

Loki pulls his hand back and his eyebrows pull together in a frown, but he can't say anything.

"It's settled, then," Steve says. "Loki can't hurt me so we're sticking together until we get this figured out."

"He can still hurt us," Clint points out.

"He won't," Tony says taking Steve's side because he just wants to get this conversation over with and drink himself into a stupor so he can forget that Fury didn't just say Tony had to house a god of mischief in his newly renovated Tower. "We'll keep Steve from him if he tries anything."

"That falls under cruel and unusual punishment," Steve protests but everyone ignores him. He doesn't put up too much of a fuss, because it looks like he's getting his way, and why is he even fighting so hard for this? Loki tried to subjugate the whole planet, and while he's been up to more minor plots lately he's still causing trouble for the Avengers, and maybe they're all right. Maybe Steve is a sucker and this is part of some elaborate plot that's going to blow up in his face.

But Steve trusts his instincts. It's part of what makes him a good soldier, and part of him thinks it's a good idea to take Loki in. This spell is forcing him to call a truce and maybe Steve can get through to him when they're not trying to destroy each other. Maybe he can convince Loki that there are better things in life than ruling the earth.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for all the support everyone! This chapter fits the T rating for scenes of sexual nature but nothing explicit.

Loki's room is a floor below everyone else's and his isolation is more symbolic than practical, because he can teleport, but Steve doesn't like it. He's done his research on Loki, to the backdrop of Tony's complaining, "not everyone can be saved," "can't you adopt cats like a normal crazy person?" and he knows that Loki has serious outsider issues. Finding out that you're adopted has to be pretty rough, but finding out you're from a race that your father has waged war against and your brother wants to wipe off the planet? No, being reminded that he's different and unwanted is not what Loki needs, but Steve doesn't say anything, because he's already pushed things far enough, and Clint's getting twitchy.

Steve knows it isn't easy for the others to have Loki in the Tower, it's not easy for Steve either, but he can't turn Loki away. He doesn't believe that Loki deserves torturous pain and then a descent into insanity no matter what Clint has to say on the subject.

Steve gives Loki his space after the meeting, but eventually he goes down to see how Loki is decorating his room and to try and figure out what exactly is going on between the two of them now. Loki didn't explain what he meant by touch during his explanation of the bond, and Steve's a little afraid to ask.

He understands now why Loki looked better after sleeping with Steve's hand on his shoulder, but Steve's worried that touch might mean more than just casual skin on skin contact. The thought of how much more makes him blush, and he pauses outside Loki's room until he's composed.

He knocks, two sharp hits of his knuckles on the door, and waits.

The door opens, and there's no one behind it, but Steve takes it as an invitation and walks in. "I have a room warming gift for you." He holds up the helmet and looks around Loki's room.

The walls are a dark green that swallow up most of the light in the room, casting it into darkness and shadow. The curtains are a light material, but they still block out most of the light, and Steve wonders how Loki can live in such a depressing place.

"You didn't put it on, did you?" Loki says in lieu of thank you as he takes the helmet from Steve, carefully inspecting it for damage. Loki's skin almost glows in the darkness of the room, making him stand out, making it impossible for Steve to look anywhere but at him.

"Not my style."

Loki sets it on his bedside table and turns back to Steve who is standing awkwardly in the middle of Loki's room, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"You're dealing with this surprisingly well," Loki says and it almost sounds like a compliment.

"Better than you."

Loki arches an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You were in rough shape last night. It's pretty obviously you tried to fight or ignore the spell. What if you hadn't gotten to me in time?"

Loki makes a small tsking noise. "Is that concern I'm hearing from you?"

"Look, you're my responsibility now," Steve says. "We need to talk about this bond. What kind of contact do you need? How often?"

"You're worse than Thor with your coddling," Loki says. "When I need you, I'll come to you."

"Is that a promise?"

"If I say yes will you leave me in peace?"

Steve grins and sticks out his hand. "Let's shake on it."

Loki rolls his eyes but he grasps Steve's hands in his long, cool fingers, and they shake. If Loki is reluctant to pull back, neither of them mention it, and Steve leaves without another word.

* * *

Steve knocks on Loki's door the next morning at 8:30am to inform him that breakfast will be on the table in ten minutes if he's hungry. He doesn't stay for an answer, because he knows better than to expect one. Instead, he goes up to the kitchen to finish making pancakes.

He doesn't say anything when Loki comes into the kitchen in full get-up, and he doesn't say anything when the back of Loki's hand brushes his when he walks by. He understands that it's embarrassing to be helpless in your enemies' territory and dependent on one of your enemies for survival. He doesn't like that Loki thinks of him as the enemy, but maybe this is an opportunity to change that.

"Chocolate chip, banana walnut, or blueberry? Steve asks.

Loki shrugs and he looks ridiculous sitting at the Avengers kitchen table in leather and a cape. Even Thor had started dressing like a civilian.

"We should probably take you shopping," Steve says, putting one of each on Loki's plate. "That armor must get stuffy."

"I don't need you to take care of me," Loki says and he eats his first pancake in four large bites.

Steve refrains from saying 'yes, actually, you do' because that won't help him win his argument. "It wasn't a suggestion. How do you like your pancakes?"

He switches topics before Loki can argue, and that strategy seems to work fairly well. The next two pancakes disappear as quickly as the first, and Steve realizes he hasn't seen Loki eat since he got here. That meant he'd gone at least a full 24 hours without food. Maybe he should've made something more substantive than pancakes.

"I would like more."

Steve gives Loki a hard stare. "How do you ask?"

"Excuse me?"

"You say please when you want something."

Loki's mouth falls open like he can't believe Steve is having this argument with him, but Steve stands his ground, and Loki must definitely be hungry, because it doesn't take him long to give in.

"May I please have more?" He pauses. "Chocolate chip."

Steve waits until he's turned back to the griddle to smile, and he makes Loki three chocolate chip pancakes. He gives Loki a significant look when he drops them onto his plate.

Loki holds the stare for three seconds before he sighs. "Thank you."

Steve practically beams. "You're welcome."

He has all four burners going and in no time he's all out of batter and has four plates stacked high with pancakes. He sits next to Loki to join him for breakfast, and he's just finished cutting his pile of pancakes when he notices the chocolate at the edge of Loki's mouth. He doesn't think, just brushes his thumb over the spot, and Loki stills at the touch.

"I'm," Steve flushes. "Oh goodness. I'm sorry. I didn't—chocolate. Oh."

Loki smirks which is better than stabbing Steve with a fork but not much, and Steve's blush deepens. "Were you trying to communicate just then?"

Steve's saved from his own embarrassment when Bruce wanders in. He looks at Loki, looks at the pancakes, looks back at Loki, and grabs himself a plate.

"Did you-" Bruce doesn't finish his sentence before Steve hands him the New York Times, and Bruce makes a hum of thanks before opening it up to the science section.

"Are you all so mundane?" Loki asks casting a look at the newspaper that was now blocking Banner from view.

"We like our routines," Steve says. "Speaking of, what do you like to do?"

Loki frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I like to work out," he ignores Loki's laugh, "Bruce and Tony spend a lot of time in the lab, what do you do with your free time?"

Loki looks so perplexed by the question that Steve wants to reach out and hug him, but that's probably inappropriate so he settles for shoving a forkful of pancakes into his mouth.

"You can come to the gym with me," he says once he's finished chewing and swallowing.

Loki wrinkles his nose. "I hate sweat."

"Uh," Steve tries to think about what else people do with their time. "I doubt Tony will let you near his gadgets, but I can probably get a work station for you somewhere if inventing things is what you're into."

Loki suddenly pushes his plate away and glares at Steve. "I don't need your help amusing myself. I've managed just fine for the past few centuries."

He storms off, and Steve looks down at his half-eaten breakfast. Well, that could've gone better. Though on the plus side, it could've gone much worse.

* * *

It's dinner that night and Steve and Loki are eating alone together just like they had at lunch and breakfast, because Bruce in newspaper mode doesn't really count a person. He doesn't register sound around him unless it's an offer of more food which somehow his brain processes. Thor tried to eat lunch with them, but Loki spirited Steve and their sandwiches to his room.

"I pegged you guys as a family dinner group," Loki says poking at the pile of vegetables on his plate that Steve insists he eat before he gets more pasta.

Steve tries not to look guilty, but he fails because Loki scowls at him.

"You are," he accuses. "Except no one wants to eat with me so you're taking pity on me. I don't want your pity."

"I'm not offering it," Steve says. "You're part of the group now which means you don't eat alone. If that means it's just the two of us for every meal then that's how it is."

Unlike some people in this house, Steve had been raised with manners. A guest was a guest no matter how unwelcome they were which meant they were to be treated with respect. Loki wasn't going to eat alone, and he wasn't going to sit alone in his room all the time. Steve was stubborn, and he was convinced that with enough time both Loki and even the other Avengers would come to see things the way Steve saw them.

Loki stands up so fast he sends his chair flying back. "I'll dine on my own from now on."

"That's not how it works."

"I'm sick of following your rules," Loki says, trying to walk by Steve, but Steve steps in front of him, blocking his path.

Loki growls and pushes Steve which Steve hadn't expected, because Loki isn't a physical person. His body recognizes that he's under attacked though, and in a moment he has Loki pinned to the refrigerator by his neck.

It takes Steve a moment to realize what's happened, and he slowly backs off, unable to meet Loki's eyes. "I'm sorry. You caught me off guard."

Loki rubs his neck not looking too concerned by what just happened. And then he's a blur of motion and it's Steve's turn to be pressed against the fridge, and Steve had forgotten that while Loki looks slight, he's still a demi god and still pretty strong.

Loki's hand is a steady pressure against Steve's throat, but Steve isn't scared, especially as Loki's hand softens to more of a caress than a chokehold, and Steve realizes what this is about. He holds Loki's face between his hands, his thumbs running over Loki's high, proud cheekbones.

"All you have to do is ask," Steve says.

The bond must have been bothering him, because Loki lingers a moment longer before sneering and pulling away. Steve lets him go and wonders how they're ever going to make it through this.

The new clothes help. Steve can't get Loki out of his color scheme, but he's now taken to wearing slacks, black or forest green, and ribbed tanks, black, green, or gold. They bare Loki's arms and make casual, "accidental" touches possible, and Steve doesn't know if that's enough, but Loki doesn't try to start any more fights, and he doesn't come asking for help.

It doesn't stop Steve from worrying. He's showed Loki how to use Tony's Netflix account, and Loki seems content to sit in his room and watch TV all day, but Steve's convinced that that can't be healthy.

"What did you two do as kids?" Steve asks as he makes Thor a late lunch. It's a shameless attempt at bribery, but Thor doesn't seem to realize it. He's happy for food and grateful for a chance to talk about Loki even though what he wants to do, talk to Loki, is denied to him.

"We wrestled and hunted and snuck looks into the bathhouses. Normal stuff."

"He can't do any of that here though," Steve says. He'd meant to think it, not say it out loud, and Thor is giving him a curious look. "I'm afraid he's going to get bored."

Thor shudders. "You do not want his mind to lack for activity or we will all regret it."

Steve decides he doesn't want to know what memories caused that reaction. He only decides to try harder to find some way to entertain Loki.

* * *

"Your brother says you used to enjoy wrestling," Steve says over breakfast one morning. "You want to come down to the gym and spar with me?"

Loki doesn't even bother to glare at him. "Thor's not my brother, and I don't like sweating."

"Blood doesn't make family," Steve says, remembering the men he served with. They were from different parts of the country, different backgrounds, and some of them didn't even want to be fighting, but that changed after the first concentration camp they liberated. Seeing the people stumble out, half-dead, their clothes dirty rags hanging off too-slight frames, the naked hope in their eyes, the hardened attitude of even the small children, that changed everything. Their unit became closer, united by a purpose, and two weeks later Nichols who hadn't wanted to leave his farm in Iowa risked his life so the rest of the unit could make it out of the compound alive.

"I don't share your penchant for sentimentality." Loki takes a bite out of his fried egg sandwich and yolk runs down his chin and his fingers.

"Here," Steve says, handing Loki a napkin and ignoring the insult.

Loki looks at the napkin and then at Steve and he smirks before licking the yellow yolk from his fingers. Steve knows he should look away, but he can't as Loki's pink tongue darts out to lap up the liquid. And then his tongue sweeps down out to catch the yolk dribbling down his chin, and Steve forces himself to look at his own sandwich, his pants a tad more uncomfortable than they had been a moment ago.

"Did he also tell you about our adventures to the bathhouses?" Loki asks, clearly enjoying Steve's discomfort. "I'll make a deal with you. I'll spar with you if I can watch you in the showers afterward."

Steve's not sure if it's the show Loki put on or the smug 'I know you won't do it' face that makes Steve stick out his hand.

"Deal." It's his turn to smirk as Loki's face freezes in shock. "What, you chicken?" It's a cheap shot, but Loki presses his lips together and shakes Steve's hand.

"Deal."

Steve goes back to his breakfast, fairly certain he'd just agreed to do something very unwise.

* * *

Steve wears a pair of mesh shorts and nothing else to spar in. He tells himself that a layer of fabric won't keep him from getting hurt, and Loki hasn't been in sustained physical contact with him for a while so any skin to skin they can get is good and that end is most easily achieved by Steve not wearing a shirt.

It's a weak argument, but Steve is only trying to convince himself so it doesn't have to be bullet proof. He doesn't know why he has the sudden urge to show off, and he doesn't put a lot of thought into it; instead he stretches, because he doesn't want to explain to Fury how he pulled a muscle by sparring with Loki, because then he'd have to explain the dare, and he's sure that won't go over well.

He raises his arms up over his head which pushes his chest out, and he can feel Loki watching him, the dance of Loki's eyes down his chest, over his abs to the elastic waist of his shorts.

Loki gives a dismissive one shoulder shrugged when he realizes he's been caught staring. "Thor does the tall, blonde, muscled thing better."

Steve is definitely not going down that road of disturbing mental images. "And yet you're about to get sweaty with me."

Loki's eyes flash. "Not by choice."

Okay, so reminding him of his situation hadn't been the best idea. Steve would apologize but that would probably only make things worse so he climbs into the ring. "No magic."

Loki teleports into the ring, just because he can. "You ruin all my fun."

"That's what the good guys do." Steve flashes him a smile and lunges without warning. He doesn't feel too bad about it, especially as Loki dodges, and Steve had forgotten how fast the guy is.

He also doesn't realize how strong Loki is until he lands a hit that makes Steve take a step back. He knew in his head that Loki was strong, he was a god after all, but he's weak compared to Thor and somehow that translated in Steve's mind as weak in general.

He can't help his excitement at the fact that Loki is most certainly not weak. Steve's been looking for a sparring partner, one that he doesn't have to worry about hurting like Natasha or one that he doesn't have to worry about being hurt by like Thor. He wonders if Loki will consider becoming an Avenger just to give Steve someone to spar with.

Steve dives and rolls out of the way of Loki's follow through, springing to his feet behind Loki. He wraps an arm around the god's neck, not hard enough to hurt, and Loki throws Steve over his back. Steve slams into the mat, his breath knocked out of him for a moment, grinning like an idiot.

"At this rate, I'm not going to have to worry about sweating," Loki says, but there's an excitement shining in his eyes that takes the edge off his words.

Steve reaches out to grab and ankle and pulls, sending Loki to the ground. Steve climbs on top of him, pinning Loki's hands above his head. "I'm going to make you sweat."

It was meant to be challenging, sparring banter, but Steve's voice is a touch too ragged for that, and Loki's eyes darken, his expression impossible to read. And then he wraps his legs around Steve and flips them, and Steve is awed by the movement before realizing they're in action again.

* * *

Steve's knee is in the small of Loki's back, pinning him to the mat, and Steve grabs a handful of Loki's hair and pulls, harder than necessary, because his face is still throbbing from where Loki elbowed him. The guy has incredibly sharp elbows. "Do you yield?"

The sound Loki makes isn't pained, it isn't even scornful. It's deep and hungry, and before Steve can react, Loki has flipped onto his back. It knocks Steve's off balance and he has to grab Loki's shoulders to keep from falling over.

Loki's look is nothing short of predatory as he smirks up at Steve. "I think it's time for that shower now."

* * *

Steve's used to people looking at him in the shower, it's an unspoken part of communal showers, but he's used to covert looks, embarrassed glances. Loki is neither covert nor embarrassed. Steve's arms are raised above his head to shampoo his hair, leaving his body completely exposed, and he can feel Loki memorizing every inch of him.

Steve keeps his eyes closed as he washes his hair, too much of a coward to see the look on Loki's face. He's not insecure enough to wonder if Loki likes what he sees, and he's sure if Loki didn't like it, he would've said something already, but Steve can still feel Loki's body trapped between his legs, the smoldering in Loki's eyes, and Steve can't see that right now. Not while he's naked and wet, and between his legs his cock twitches, and he can almost feel Loki's smirk.

"I guess that answers the question of whether Captain America is purity incarnate," Loki says and Steve opens his eyes to see Loki on the other side of the shower, definitely smirking. He's also completely clothed, refusing to use the shower, because apparently bathing is still in fashion on Asgard. Steve's secretly glad. He's not sure he could handle being naked in the same room as Loki right now. Not after the way Loki wriggled underneath him when he was trying to escape.

"Captain America is a symbol. Steve Rogers is a man." Steve pours some body wash onto his hand and starts rubbing it up and down his arms and across his chest. He's long ago stopped trying to live up to the impossible ideal of Captain America. When he's in the suit he can be perfect and patriotic and everything mothers and fathers want their children to look up to. When he's out of the suit he's just Steve, and sometimes that means allowing himself to fantasize while he's in the shower. Or in the safety of his own bedroom.

"And what a man he is," Loki says, his tone one part mocking, one part appreciative. His gaze slips down lower, and Steve knows he's blushing, but he can't help it, especially when his body starts responding to the look.

Loki laughs, and it doesn't help Steve feel any less ashamed of himself. "This was highly entertaining, Steve Rogers. Perhaps we'll have to do it again."

And before Steve can say anything, Loki's vanishes, and Steve drops his head back to rest on the wall of the shower. He's in trouble. He is in so much trouble. He looks around to make sure no one else is around and grasps his half-hard length in a firm grip. He closes his eyes and doesn't even try to fight it when it's Loki's face that pops into his head.


	3. Chapter 3

Thor has managed to corner Loki in the kitchen when Steve comes up from his shower. Steve pauses in the doorway, wanting to give them space, but afraid of attracting their attention if he moves.

Thor has a hand on Loki's arm that Loki's already shrugged off three times, but Thor's never been good at taking a hint.

"You've been here for a week, brother. Why won't you speak to me?"

Loki has given up on trying to tell Thor that they are not brothers. "I am here against my will not because I wish to reunite with you. As far as I am concerned we are enemies dwelling under the same roof. There is no reason for me to speak to you."

Thor looks absolutely crushed, and Loki easily brushes his hand aside and leaves the room. Steve frowns, especially as Thor drops his head into his hands, his shoulders hunched in what looks like defeat, and Steve is not going to stand for this.

He follows Loki down to Loki's room, knocking and waiting for Loki's sighed 'come in'.

"Decide your own hand isn't good enough?" Loki asks, looking like the king he wishes he was, sprawled across his bed.

Steve crosses his arms over his chest, not in the mood for teasing or distraction. "That was uncalled for. Thor loves you. Why do you enjoy making him hurt?"

The teasing smile drops from Loki's face immediately. "Get out."

"No." Steve takes a moment to enjoy the shock on Loki's face before pressing forward. "You may not want to be here, but you are. This is an opportunity for you. Thor sees it. Why can't you?"

"I have no desire to reunite with my," Loki's eyes darken even more, "with Thor. As to why I enjoy making him hurt, he deserves it."

He's practically snarling, and Steve is reminded of a caged animal. Steve knows that one day he's going to push Loki too far, and Loki's going to hurt him, but you never got anywhere without testing the boundaries, and Steve's willing to take the chance.

"You've hurt him as well," Steve points out. "I'm not going to pretend I know every detail from your feud, but you did get him exiled, try to kill him, and then tried to destroy the planet he'd placed under his own protection. And do you know what? He still loves you."

"He's a fool."

"No," Steve says, shaking his head. "You are."

* * *

Steve leaves without another word. That night, Thor joins them for dinner, and Steve doesn't stop smiling even after Loki turns Steve's spaghetti into snakes and kicks him viciously under the table.

Clint and Natasha go on assignment in Eastern Europe which everyone knows is a poor excuse to get Clint away from Loki, but no one says anything but 'be safe' and 'have fun blowing things up' as they see them off.

It means that Tony joins Thor, Bruce, Steve, and Loki for dinner, because, he claims, he refuses to eat alone in his own house. No one calls him on it.

"This is good," Tony says working his way through the stir fry Steve made, tossing all the water chestnuts back into the bowl. "Since when do you cook?"

"Since always."

Tony frowns. "You've gotten sassy lately. I blame this on you." Tony uses his chopsticks to point at Loki.

Loki looks at him wide eyed and chipmunk cheeked in a mockery of Steve's innocent face, and Steve's overcome with such a strong urge to wrap his hand around Loki's neck and kiss his cheek that Steve grips his chair so hard he warps the wood.

* * *

Steve likes to flip through old comic books or sketch during his free time, and Loki has started joining him, though he pours over large dusty textbooks written in a language Steve can't understand. One time Steve asked Loki what he was reading and Loki laughed at the thought of Steve understanding Asgardian magic and the subject hadn't come up again.

"There is something I do not understand," Loki says abruptly, setting his book down.

"This is a first."

Loki frowns, his eyebrow scrunching together in a way that Steve finds absolutely adorable but would never tell anyone, least of all Loki. He's pretty sure Loki would kill him, bonding spell be damned, if Steve called him adorable to his face.

"Tony is right. I am a bad influence on you." Loki looks way too pleased by that thought.

Steve makes a mental note to start being more controlled. "So, what don't you understand?"

"You."

Loki is staring at Steve as if his eyes could bore into Steve's head and take all of his secrets, and Steve doesn't know that Loki can't actually do that so he shifts, uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

"Anything specific or everything?"

Loki doesn't smile at Steve's attempt to lighten the mood, because he's on a mission. "You're stronger than most everyone around you, but you don't use your strength to bully them. You're obviously the leader of the Avengers, but you don't abuse your authority. You're clearly the favorite child—Avenger—but you don't rub that in everyone else's faces."

Loki is regarding Steve like he's a complicated puzzle, and Steve's pretty sure he was just asked why he wasn't Thor, but he can't be entirely sure so he just shrugs and smiles.

"I wasn't born this way," Steve says, motioning to himself. "I guess if you're born with everyone telling you how strong and powerful and handsome and wonderful you are it might go to your head, but I was just a kid in Brooklyn who got beat up in alleyways and wanted to join the army so desperately I let people do questionable medical testing on me. When I became a super soldier, I didn't lose who I was. Underneath all this," Steve touches his bicep, "is a kid who knows what it's like to get kicked around, who stood up to bullies and then to Nazis, because he didn't think it was right and because he wanted to help people."

Steve looks Loki's unflinchingly in the eye. "Who you are isn't determined by what you look like. It's about what's inside. It's about what you do when your back is against the wall, and you're stripped of everything you think makes you who you are."

Steve remembers waking up in an unfamiliar room and the colossal freak out he had that led to him discovering Times Square. He remembers Fury's patient tones, the worried nurses, how they hadn't let him have a gun or even his shield while he "adjusted". He remembers the long days standing at his window wishing he was dead like Peggy and Bucky and all the others.

When he was finally let out on the street, still supervised but from a distance, he didn't know what to do with himself. He wasn't allowed to wear his uniform or carry his shield until Fury was sure he was stable enough to be Captain America again, and Steve was at a loss. Who was he when he wasn't fighting Nazis and brandishing his shield and acting like a superhero?

He found the answer back behind a 7-Eleven. A boy no more than twelve was hitting another boy who was desperately trying to protect a mangy looking dog. Steve looked at the little boy, tears streaming down his cheeks as he clutched the dog to his chest and remembered Steve Rogers. He might not be up to being Captain America yet, but he could always be Steve. He broke up the fight and helped the little boy—Topher, short for Christopher—give his new pet a bath. Three days later, Steve's shield was on his bed waiting for him when he got back from his daily walk.

"It's all about what you look like," Loki says, but there's a touch of uncertainty in his voice. "You really think people would hate me the way they do if I looked like Thor?" Loki takes on his brother's image and it's disconcerting to say the least. "I'm the golden boy of Asgard, and I can do no wrong, because I am strong and handsome and father loves me best."

"The world doesn't need two Thors," Steve says.

Loki returns to himself. "And they need this?" He motions down to himself, disgust written plainly across his face.

"Yes. You just haven't figured out why yet. You haven't figured out what's underneath. You haven't figured out who you are yet." Steve tries to keep his tone level, tries to keep his excitement, his need out of his voice. This is the moment, he thinks. This is why Loki has come to stay with them. This is the moment where Steve can break through to him, and show him that he can change.

Loki's image flickers again, and as he grows his skin turns a light blue. "I am Loki Laufeyson, and I am a disgrace to Asgard."

Steve has to look up to see Loki's face, and it's a new angle for him, and it hurts even more as he approaches Loki so he can touch his arm, but he does it because he knows Loki needs it. The need is written into every scar on his face, every tense muscle in his body, in the longing he's trying to desperately to hide with scorn.

Steve wraps his arms around Loki's waist and presses his cheek to Loki's chest. His skin is cool against Steve's, but he doesn't know why he expected any different. He is a frost giant after all.

"You don't have to be," Steve says, so quiet he's not sure if he's actually said it out loud.

But then Loki stiffens and pushes him away, and disappears, leaving Steve alone in the study. Steve picks up his comic book, but the adventures of Spiderman no longer hold his interest.

* * *

Loki's gone for two days. When he returns it's to Steve's bed, and he's clammy and shaking like he's a drug addict going through withdrawal. Steve holds up his comforter, an invitation, and Loki slides into bed with him, his hands slipping underneath Steve's shirt, desperate to touch him.

"You're so sure of who you are," Loki says.

"We can figure out who you are together." Steve holds Loki to his chest, running his hands down Loki's back until Loki relaxes into sleep.

* * *

They don't talk about it in the morning. Steve wants to, but Loki's face, so unguarded in sleep, closes off the minute he wakes up, and Steve knows better than to push it so Steve goes about his morning routine as if Loki isn't there at all.

Loki follows him up to the kitchen for breakfast and Tony, Bruce, and Thor are already there working their way through three boxes of cereal.

"Really? The one with the little marshmallows?" Loki asks, casting a critical eye at Thor's breakfast. He pretends he can't see the sheer joy on Thor's face that he's returned.

"They are magically delicious!" Thor proclaims.

Tony and Loki share an eye roll and realize at the same time what they've done.

"Well, this is awkward," Tony says.

"I like that my brother and my friends are learning to get along," Thor says as if Loki hasn't just spent the past two days who only knows where avoiding them all.

"I am trying to appreciate what is important to you," Loki says, wrinkling his nose as Tony slurps the milk out of his bowl. "As distasteful as it may be to me."

Thor, of course, only pays attention to what he wants to hear, and he's so stunned he doesn't register that Tony is stealing the marshmallows from his bowl.

"You?" Thor pauses, unsure of how to say what he wants to say. His brother has changed? He wants to turn to Steve and demand to know how Steve has forced Loki to see what Thor has been trying to get him to see all along, but he's afraid that if he takes his eyes of Loki, then the smile lurking in the backs of Loki's eyes will disappear and he'll return to being the snarky, sullen Loki that despises him.

"Eloquent as always," Loki says, pouring himself a bowl of raisin nut bran and trying to ignore the proud expression on Steve's face. It makes Loki's stomach flutter in annoying ways.

* * *

Loki has called an uneasy truce with the Avengers in the house, and he's started spending more and more time in the lab with Tony and Bruce. Both men are worried at first, Tony for the safety of his equipment and Bruce thinks this is some ploy to get him to Hulk out and destroy everything, but Loki can be quiet and unobtrusive when he wants to be and soon they start relaxing when he's around.

"It's poking me," Loki says, frowning at the robot, Dummy as Tony calls it. Loki thinks it's an appropriate name.

"He likes you." Tony fiddles with a drawing and frowns. Adding more rockets to the suit there would upset the balance, but he needs more firepower.

"It's not a sentient creature. It can't have feelings."

"He," Tony stresses the pronoun. "is my creation meaning he's capable of anything."

Loki laughs but he pets Dummy when he thinks no one is looking.

"You should laugh more," Tony says. "It makes you seem less diabolical."

"I have a reputation to uphold." Loki leans over Tony's shoulder, something that Tony hates, to examine his drawing. "Those are going to unbalance your suit."

Tony tries to snatch away his drawing. "Tell me something I don't know."

Loki puts his hand on the paper, keeping it still. "Arrows. You have the capability to make more of Hawkeye's arrows, correct?"

"Yeah? So?"

"They're lighter so they won't throw off your suit, but you can still get ones that pierce armor or explode on contact or all sorts of nasty things."

Tony stares at Loki and then at his paper and then back at Loki trying to figure out how Loki had come up with that solution before Tony had. "How's that evil reputation of yours holding up now?"

Loki's eyes flash dangerously, and he snaps one of Dummy's mechanical arms off. "Just fine, thank you," Loki says, spiriting away before the screwdriver Tony tries to stab him with can hit.

* * *

Steve spends the beginning of dinner listening to Tony rant and shout about how Loki is devil spawn and evil incarnate and cannot stay in the Tower for another minute, and he'll go to Fury if he has to. Thor steps in before Steve can which sparks a shouting match between Tony and Thor that Steve has no intention of sticking around for.

He and Bruce exchange shrugs before going their separate ways, Bruce to return to the lab and Steve to go to Loki's room.

Steve knocks twice and the door swings open. Loki is curled up around his pillow, and if he was anyone but Loki Steve would've said he was pouting.

"Here to lecture me?" Loki asks. "I've been a naughty boy."

"So I've heard," Steve says, sitting down on the edge of Loki's bed. "Want to tell me why you did it?"

Loki shrugs. "It's what I do."

"Try again."

Loki scowls and sits up so he's in a better position to fight if it comes down to it. "Excuse me?"

Steve refuses to back down. "For a god of lies, you really suck at lying. You helped Tony with his suit. You don't always cause mischief and mayhem. You proved that today."

"But then I destroyed his robot so really you're wrong."

Steve half-expects Loki to stick his tongue out at him. "I think you're wrong. You did something nice for Tony, why?"

Loki brushes his hair out of his face. "There was a problem he couldn't fix that I could. I wanted to lord it over him."

"Wrong again. You wanted to do the right thing," Steve says. "You're desperate for approval, but you don't believe you deserve it. It's why you destroyed Tony's robot. You can't stand someone being proud of you even though it's all that you want."

Loki throws his pillow at Steve. "You don't know me!"

"How do you know? You don't know yourself."

Steve expects Loki to throw him out the window or to spirit away. He doesn't expect Loki to growl and throw himself at Steve. He knocks Steve off the bed, and Steve hits his head on the floor before his body registers that he's fighting.

Loki fights like a deranged cat, biting and scratching and hissing, and he twists out of every hold Steve gets on him.

"You're not evil," Steve says as Loki teleports out from under him and lands on Steve's back. He drives a hard elbow between Steve's shoulders and Steve chokes on his breath as he's slammed chest first into the ground. "I've read up on you. None of your recent plots have the brilliance you're attributed."

Steve throws Loki off and leaps at him. He lands on all fours, Loki no longer where he was a moment ago. "If you really wanted to rule the earth you would, and none of us could stop you. So, you don't have the balls to be evil, why not just be good and save yourself the identity crisis?"

Loki's fist catches Steve across the face and something crunches before pain explodes in Steve's face. He clutches his nose and drops to his knees. Loki kicks the side of his head, sending Steve to the floor.

"I'm not good enough to be the hero." Loki is standing above Steve, looking down at him, but he looks fragile in the dim light of the room, and his voice wavers as if he's going to start crying at any point.

Steve pulls himself up to his feet, wiping away the blood that's coming out his nose, and presses his advantage. "So you settle for being a sucky villain? Don't you get tired of letting us beat the shit out of you?"

Steve finally lands a hit, and he hadn't been holding back so it sends Loki flying into the wall. Pain flashes across Loki's face before he crumples to the floor. He doesn't make a move to get up, just looks at Steve, waiting for Steve to swoop in and-what? Steve's not going to kill him. So hit him again? Make him pay for breaking Steve's nose?

And then Steve gets it, and he feels like an idiot. "Is this some kind of penance thing for you? Do you think you deserve all the pain you've been through?"

Loki's eyes meet Steve's, full of challenge. "I know I do."

"No." Steve crouches down in front of Loki and grabs his face between his hands. "You don't. No one deserves to be hurt."

For a moment Steve thinks Loki's going to head butt him, but then he relaxes under Steve's hold.

"Then why?"

Steve doesn't have an answer to why pain exists in the universe so he pulls Loki in for a tight hug. He's bleeding into Loki's hair, but the blood is Loki's fault so he can't get mad at Steve about that.

* * *

"What is he doing here?" Tony shouts, diving to protect the suit upgrade he's working on. He glares at Loki before glaring at Steve for bringing Loki into his workplace after they'd agreed that Loki would never step foot in here again.

Steve nudges Loki with his foot and Loki sighs.

"I've come to apologize."

Bruce stops analyzing his DNA and looks up. Tony freezes in place.

"Apologize?"

"I shouldn't have broken your toy. Will you," Loki screws his face up. "will you forgive me?"

Tony can't figure out how to make his mouth work, because did Loki just apologize and ask for forgiveness and what the hell is going on? He looks past Loki to Steve who is wearing a ridiculous 'I couldn't be more proud' smile, and Tony understands. It makes him feel a little bit better that not even Loki is immune to Steve's charm.

But then Steve notices Tony staring at him, and he loses his smile and gives Tony a significant look. Tony wants to stamp his foot and say no way is Loki forgiven, because he broke Dummy, but he's powerless in the face of Steve's facial expressions.

"Yeah, yeah," Tony says, waving his hand.

Tony doesn't actually forgive Loki until the next morning when he comes into the workshop and Dummy greets him with chirps and a handful of arrows to try out in the new weapons system. Loki's allowed back in the workshop on the provision that he doesn't break anything else.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So originally this story was three chapters, and I made sure I had the story finished before I started posting, but then I got attacked by some pretty vicious plot bunnies while running at the gym so, good thing (maybe?) this story is now twice the size it used to be. Bad thing, I'm now writing while posting so chapters might be every other day instead of every day now. Hope you guys don't mind the slight delay. You reviewers are wonderful and a large part of the reason I decided not to disregard the bunnies.

* * *

"We're down two Avengers right now," Fury says, looking across the table that is way too big for the meeting they're having. Fury is standing at one end with Hill on his left and Coulson on his right, and the four remaining Avengers are sitting in the first two chairs on the sides of the table. That leaves over twenty empty seats, and Fury is reminded that while he believes in the Avengers, they're hopelessly outnumbered. "It's time to commence Phase 2 of Project Loki."

"Project Loki?" Steve asks, not liking the way this sounds. He drops his hands to the edge of his chair, ready to vault him out of his seat if Fury says something he doesn't like. He can see Thor preparing for a fight as well.

"We don't know if Agent Barton will be able to be a part of the Avengers while Loki is with us, and we don't know how long Loki will be with us," Fury says, perfectly relaxed. "There may come a time where we need Loki to fight with us."

Thor drops out of his battle stance. "You wish my brother to become one of us?"

"That might be stretching it," Fury says, "but we would like to start seeing if Loki would be amendable to assisting the Avengers while he's our guest."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Bruce asks, ignoring the death glare he gets from Thor. "I'm glad that Loki hasn't tried to kill us, and I'm getting used to his presence in the Tower, but I'm not sure if he's ready to fight with us."

"He's not," Fury answers. "I don't trust him on the battlefield with us yet, but I want to see if maybe one day that will change."

Fury looks down at Coulson who smiles and shuffles the papers in front of him.

"I'm adding him to your training routines," Coulson says, casually like this is a new recruit and not someone who nearly managed to kill him. "Tony, I'm going to need you to work with Loki to build a place where he can work on his magic since that appears to be his best asset."

"What if he's not interested in this plan?" Tony asks.

Fury's good eye narrows. "You make him interested."

* * *

Coulson returns to the Tower with the four Avengers, but it is Thor who introduces Loki to his promotion. Everyone but Thor thought that Steve should be the one to break the news, but Steve doesn't want to step on Thor's toes so he convinces the others to let Thor have the honor.

Loki is sprawled out on the couch when they get back, and he doesn't move until he sees Coulson. Suddenly, his eyes are bright and alert, and he pulls himself up into a sitting position.

"If I'd known we were getting company I would've cleaned," Loki says, a smile curving his lips, but it doesn't reach his eyes. His eyes are scanning Coulson for any sign of a weapon, and he darts his gaze over to the nearest exit. The window is only ten feet away, and Loki knows he can reach it before Coulson can fire either of the guns he has on his person right now.

"We bring joyous news, brother!" Thor says, missing the way Loki is obviously on edge.

"Oh?" Loki raises a delicate eyebrow, but he doesn't take his eyes off Coulson.

"The Director has deemed you worthy to bear arms with us." Thor throws his arms open, expecting a hug or Loki to at least match his enthusiasm.

"I'm flattered," Loki says, but his tone implies the opposite. "What makes him think I have any desire to join your little group?"

"As a way to say thank you for us not killing you?" Tony suggests, earning him a dark look from both Steve and Thor. Tony rolls his eyes. "I was only half-serious."

Tony sits down on the couch with Loki, but he leaves plenty of space between them. "Look, I wasn't the greatest human being before I became Iron Man. I owned a company that made weapons, and I didn't really care about who used them and for what. I cared about the money I made, the sex I could have, and the booze I could drink.

"And then I was taken hostage. I saw people using my weapons to kill Americans. I was locked in a cave and told to build a nuke that would kill a lot of innocent people. It was a horrific experience, but it was a wake-up call. I made the Iron Man suit, and I became someone different. Someone I can be proud of."

Tony doesn't meet anyone's eyes, especially not Loki's, and he can't believe he just said that. He braces himself for Loki's laugh or a sneered comment, and when neither are forthcoming, he slowly looks up at the slight man sitting beside him.

Loki's gone completely still, contemplative, and Tony's wondering if he's trying to come up with the insult that will deal the most damage.

"Are you saying this spell was my wake-up call?" Loki finally says and Tony lets out a breath he hadn't known he was holding. "This is my opportunity to forge a new identity?" Loki looks past Tony to Steve and the two share a moment that no one else in the room quite understands.

And then a soft smile crosses Loki's features, and it's a new experience for most of them, because he doesn't look diabolical, he doesn't look like he's on the verge of tears, he looks happy.

"You truly wish me to become one of you?" Loki asks.

"Of course," Thor says, and Loki ignores him.

He doesn't look at Steve either, because he already knows how Steve feels about him. He looks to Coulson.

Coulson steps forward, shrugging out of his suit jacket, and he hands it to Steve. He unbuttons his white dress shirt as he approaches Loki, and he tosses it on the coffee table. He stands before Loki and points to the ugly web of scars from where Loki's scepter pierced him.

"You almost killed me," Coulson says, "and I tried to kill you in return. We're not quite even, but I have my orders, and I'll follow them. Fury wants you to be one of us."

Loki stands up, transfixed by the scar. He reaches his hand out to touch before he realizes that that's probably considered rude. "May I?"

Coulson's eyes fill with suspicion, but he nods, and Loki is awed by the trust the man is showing. Only a few months Loki had tried to kill him and now Coulson is letting Loki touch him intimately, knowing that with a twist of his wrist, a spoken word he could have Coulson's heart in his hand.

Loki has no desire to kill the man; instead, he traces the scars imagining how painful the healing process must have been. All of that pain was Loki's fault. All the concern the others felt that their agent was dead, Loki's fault. Loki tries to cover the scar with his hand, but tendrils of scar tissues sneak out past his fingertips.

Loki hadn't even known this man, hadn't had a reason to want him dead, and yet he tried to kill him. He has heard this Agent Coulson spoken of in reverent terms by Thor, by Steve, even by Tony. He is a human, but an extraordinary one, and Loki almost extinguished his life for what? To rule the Earth? To appease the Chi'tauri? To try and prove to himself that he was worthy enough to rule somewhere?

He had thought everything made sense after he learned of his adoption. Suddenly he understood why Odin didn't want him ruling Asgard, why everyone loved Thor more, and Loki needed to prove that he was good enough. He tried to take Thor's throne and when that failed, he turned to Earth. He wanted a world to bow before him, to acknowledge his right to rule, his worthiness, and he had failed there as well.

But Steve has taught him that it isn't external validation that matters as much as internal, and Loki realizes that he searched so desperately for a crown, because he needed to convince himself that he was worthy. And maybe he isn't destined to rule an entire race of people, but that doesn't mean his existence is superfluous.

Loki's hand shakes against Coulson's chest. "I can't fix it," Loki says, pressing his palm flat, trying to gain control of his body. "But I can heal it."

Coulson's hand covers Loki's, warm and reassuring. "It's part of who I am now. I have some paperwork for you to fill out if you want to start your probationary Avenger period."

* * *

Loki starts spending most of his time away from Steve. In the morning he goes down to the bunker Tony made for him. It's lined with cold iron which makes Loki uncomfortable and means he can't teleport out, but it will keep his magic from escaping the small room. He practices a range of skills from controlling multiple clones at once so he can fight in multiple places at the same time to conjuring fire. Once he uses to Jotun form to conjure ice, but it's foreign and unfamiliar, so after that he sticks to his human form.

In the afternoons he holes up in Tony's labs and works tirelessly at some project he won't explain to anyone. Tony snuck a look at it once, and it didn't seem dangerous, so he left Loki alone about it. If he wanted to get into jewel crafting then Tony wasn't going to stop him. Or mock him, no matter how tempting it is.

Steve doesn't realize he misses Loki until they're curled up on the couch watching _Moby Dick_ for classical literature movie night. It was one of Pepper's suggestions for catching Steve up on modern culture, and Steve's been slowly working his way through movie adaptations of famous books.

Steve's arm is around Loki's shoulder and Loki's head is resting on Steve's chest, and it reminds Steve of the way Bucky would watch movies with dames he liked. Not that Steve is Bucky, and Loki certainly isn't a dame, and it actually isn't at all the same.

Loki pushes Steve's shirt up halfway through the movie so he can rest his hand against Steve's skin, and Steve absentmindedly runs a hand through Loki's hair. They're both busy now, and Steve knows that's a good thing, because it means that things are returning to normal, and that Loki is truly becoming part of the group, but Steve misses having Loki all to himself. He misses the talks they had, and he even misses their fights a little.

He doesn't get to touch Loki as much anymore, and he finds himself missing that too. He misses the warmth of another body next to him, the brush of fingers against his skin, the soft smile that crosses Loki's lips when he's truly content. If Steve's being honest, he misses Loki, but he tries not to linger on that thought too long.

"Subtle," Loki says as the credits roll.

"Hmm?" Steve asks, because he's been watching Loki's face more than the movie, the way the dim lights soften his features, make him look less aggressive than he had when he was trying to take over the world. Steve can barely see that side of Loki anymore, and sometimes he thinks that they were two separate people. He knows that they aren't, and that he can't separate the bad of Loki's past from the potential good of his future, but the stark difference gives him hope that Loki is capable of prolonged change.

"The movie," Loki says, turning his head so he can look up at Steve. "The central message is don't get too caught up in pursing something or you'll end up dead." Loki nestles closer, his fingers curling around Steve's waist.

"Huh," Steve says, because he'd read the book before watching the movie, one of Pepper's rules, and he'd thought it'd been about the damaging effects of revenge, but he can see where Loki's coming from, and where his line of thinking is headed. He instinctively holds Loki tighter.

"It's strange," Loki continues, "I thought Americans were preoccupied with individualism and the relentless pursuit of their dreams."

"They are, but this demonstrates the dangers of pursing the wrong things."

"How do you know if your dreams are right or wrong?"

"I don't know," Steve says. "I guess you just have to trust yourself, trust that you believe in the right things."

"And if you can't trust yourself?" Loki asks.

"You can. You're incredibly smart, and you know right from wrong. You've let your judgment be clouded but that happens. You have to learn what that feels like so you can take a step back and try to make a rational judgment, but you shouldn't doubt yourself. I don't doubt you."

Loki thinks of the havoc he's wreaked on this world that Steve's committed his body, his time, his life to protecting, and he doesn't understand. He's tried to destroy Steve's home, and Steve trusts him not to mess up again? Loki's not sure he wants that trust. It's terrifying even as it's wonderful, because while he loves the blossom of warmth unfurling in his chest, because someone believes that something good can come from Loki, he's unsure he'll be able to live up to Steve's expectations.

* * *

Natasha and Clint can't stay away forever, but the group had been hoping for a little more warning that they were back than the door slamming open as Clint storms into the Tower. Natasha trails behind him silently though with a careful eye on him.

"Where is he?" Clint demands, his hands clenched into fists and the vein in his forehead throbbing dangerously. "Where is he!"

Coulson appears in the doorway, looking apologetic for not having dealt with this situation better. Tony shrugs because he's now set up a fund for miscellaneous damage done to the Tower due to the fact that it now houses six super heroes and one villain. Steve looks up from his sketchpad, annoyed that his silence has been broken, and worried that this is going to destroy any progress Loki has been making.

"I assume you're looking for me," Loki says, voice low as he walks into the room. "I apologize for my tardiness. I try not to teleport as it startles some people."

He glances over at Tony, a smirk tugging at his lips as remembers the time he'd gotten hungry while bathing and teleported into the kitchen to grab a snack. Though it might have been the nudity and not the teleporting that had made Tony drop his coffee mug now that Loki thinks about it.

Clint's eyes narrow and he squeezes his hands tighter imaging that they're wrapped around Loki's slim neck. "And the whispering? Does it make you feel powerful?"

Loki's smile falls away at the hostility in Clint's voice. "No, I'm trying to be quiet because Bruce is sleeping."

"Bruce?" Clint's shouting which ruins Loki's attempt to be quiet. "You're on a first name basis with the team now?" He spins to point an accusing finger at Coulson. "This is bullshit!"

Steve puts his sketchpad down in case he has to get up to stop a fight.

Coulson, however, locks his hands behind his back and regards Clint calmly. "We have our orders. Loki is being integrated into the team."

"No." Clint shakes his head, his eyes wild with a mixture of fear and rage. "Did you all go crazy while I was gone? He took over my mind! I'm not going to be on a team with him, and I'm not going to live with him. I want him out of this Tower."

"Okay," Steve says, standing up, ignoring the incredulous look Tony is giving him, and the betrayal on Loki's face. "I understand and respect your reasons for not trusting Loki, and the unity and sanity of our team is my first priority so we'll move out." He turns to Loki, and there's a hint of hope lurking deep in his eyes. "We'll get an apartment within walking distance so you can still make use of your bunker and the labs."

"Woah, woah, woah," Tony says, putting his hands up. "Let's slow down a minute. Steve, you're not moving out of the Tower."

Steve crosses his arms over his chest, settling into his power stance. "You going to stop me?"

Everything freezes as everyone realizes a fight is on the verge of breaking out. Tony's unknowingly delivered an ultimatum, and Steve isn't going to back down, and Coulson's not prepared to diffuse this situation. He chased Clint up the stairs, prepared to keep him from killing Loki and then trying to talk him around to the idea of tolerating Loki's presence.

"What has gotten into you?" Clint demands, breaking the stalemate between Tony and Steve. "Is the sex really that good, because a couple months ago you were in Germany comparing Loki to Hitler. What happened to those days?"

Steve's tempted to lash back and remind Clint what he was doing while Steve was in Germany fighting Loki, but he doesn't, because he's the leader of the Avengers and that means not taking cheap shots at his teammates even when he's sorely tempted.

"That's in the past," Steve says, his voice so tightly controlled it's on the verge of breaking. "Loki lashed out, because he was hurt, and that doesn't make it okay, but he realizes that now, and he's trying to change."

Clint's lips curl into a snarl. "So what you're saying is that if Hitler had been adopted and had an oh so tragic past then the Holocaust would be okay?"

Clint hadn't hesitated to take a cheap shot, and Steve lunges before he can think, his fist raised to smash Clint's face in. His arm is jerked back before he can land his hit, and suddenly something is grabbing his other arm, and he can't break free no matter how hard he is struggling.

And then Loki is standing in front of him which is weird, because Steve is pretty sure the hands on his arms are Loki's, but there are four hands holding him back and Loki only has two; plus, Loki is standing in front of him.

Loki's face is tight with the effort it takes to control two clones and to hold Steve back. "Do not fight over me," he says, uncomfortable because his back is to Clint, but he needs to make Steve see reason before he does something stupid.

He reaches out to grip Steve's chin and forces him to look at him, and doesn't let go until the anger starts to drain from Steve's face, and his limbs relax, giving up his fight. Loki nods, approving, and his clones take a step back, but they don't disappear in case he needs them again.

"Okay," Tony says, looking between Steve and Clint, hoping violence is not in fact going to break out. He's surprised Bruce hasn't wandered in confused yet. He's not surprised that Thor's managed to sleep through this, because the god could sleep through anything. "We all under control here now?"

Steve drops his head, ashamed. "Yes."

"You were going to hit me over Loki," Clint says, not willing to let this rest. He turns to Coulson. "He was going to hit me over Loki!"

"I'm pretty sure he was going to hit you, because you provoked him over World War II," Coulson says, reprimanding, but he reaches out a hand to touch Clint's shoulder. "Let's go and finish the conversation we were having before you ran off on me. I know you don't trust Loki, but you trust me, right?"

Clint slowly nods, and Loki realizes that the pressure not to screw up has just increased even more. Not only will he disappoint Steve if he messes up, but he'll cause a rift between Clint and Coulson. Loki's not sure he's going to be able to handle this being one of the good guys things. He wonders if it's too late to back out.

Steve pulls Loki close, guilt written across every line in his face. "Thank you," he says, quietly, just for Loki to hear, and Loki realizes yes, it's too late.


	5. Chapter 5

When Loki feels Natasha creeping up behind him, he expects her to shove him against the wall and gut him. He knows he deserves it. He's seen the way she looks at Clint, and he knows that what he did to Clint's mind messed with her almost as much as it had with Clint, and he knows that even if she'd managed to extract information from him in the Hulk cell that he'd shaken her up pretty badly.

"I know you know I'm behind you," Natasha says. "You might as well turn around."

Loki stops and leans against the wall, wondering why she's chosen the middle of the day to confront him. He'd been sure that when she came to him, he never doubted that she'd come to let him know exactly how she felt about him, it would be at night, and she'd stand in the shadows, so that her disembodied voice could try to disorient him. He's learning that when it comes to Natasha Romanov he's wrong more often than he's right.

There's sun pouring through the windows, and Natasha is standing in its beams, her hair a bright copper, and she's put herself on display, and Loki wonders whether this meeting is more for her benefit than his. She's showing herself to him, proving to him, maybe herself, maybe both of them that she's strong enough that she doesn't need to hide from him.

Loki waits for her to speak first, because she obviously has been following him, because she wants to say something, and she'll get to it when she's ready. He tries to be patient, because he owes her, all of them, so much, but he can't help but think of the pendant sitting on his worktable and how close he is to finally completing it.

"You have a lot of red in your ledger," she says.

"I know. I'm trying to wipe it out."

"You never will," she says, and it isn't accusatory, it's not a blow meant to knock him down. It's a confession from one broken person to another, and Natasha turns on her heel and walks away before Loki can figure out how to respond.

* * *

Team dinner has gotten more crowded and significantly more awkward since Clint and Natasha have returned. Clint and Loki sit on opposite ends of the table, but not across from each other, because that would result in too much eye contact, but there is still noticeable tension. Even Thor is subdued at dinner, keeping his voice quieter than usual, and he doesn't get so excited that he accidently spits food everywhere anymore. Tony's glad about that last part, because a week ago he'd been hit with salsa and saliva, and it had been disgusting.

"So, how was everyone's day?" Tony asks halfway through dinner.

He's trying to make a joke, but Steve takes him seriously, because he can't stand another minute of strained silence.

"Good. Thor and I got some quality sparring in this morning, and I sat on the roof and finished my panoramic view of Manhattan." Steve had been spending a lot of time on the roof of Stark Tower, because it gave him time to think, and he was never interrupted, but he wanted to have an excuse for why he spent so much time up there so he'd started drawing, and the fact that the drawing was done so soon said he spent way too much time up there.

Steve smiles, but no one comments on his day so he turns to Bruce. "What did you do today?"

Bruce gives Tony a 'look what you started' glare before answering Steve's question. "I mapped a new expressed sequence tag-single nucleotide polymorphism and simple sequence repeat panel for large-scale genetic studies and breeding"*

"Oh," Steve says, nodding even though it's obvious he has absolutely no idea what Bruce is talking about.

They go around the table, everyone grudgingly talking about some aspect of their day, until they reach Loki. He bites his bottom lip like he's nervous and looks over at Steve who gives him an encouraging smile.

"I actually made something, well finished making something today," Loki says, pulling a hawk pendant out of his pocket. "It's for you." He dares a look at Clint and is met with a frosty glare in return. Steve takes the necklace from Loki and passes it to Bruce who passes it across the table to Clint. Clint won't touch it, so it rests on the edge of his plate.

"So that's what you've been doing," Tony says.

Loki smiles even though his gift wasn't as well-received as he would've liked it to be. "It was a challenging project."

Thor whistles as he picks up the pendant and turns it over in his hand. "This is powerful, brother. What does it do?"

"It's magic?" Clint asks, pushing his chair away from Thor and the necklace.

"It won't harm you," Loki promises, even though his word probably means very little to Clint. "The charm is attuned to you alone. _Byrja_ will invoke the spell and _haetta_ will end it."

"Personalized magic?" Clint was eyeing the necklace with distrust. "How did you get my blood for that?"

"SHIELD has blood and tissue samples on file," Loki says, and he frowns when he sees the vein in Clint's forehead twitch. "I'm guessing I wasn't supposed to access those."

"No," Tony says. "Medical records are sealed."

"Oh. I apologize. I thought that would be the least intrusive way to acquire what I needed for the spell."

"Let me get this straight," Clint says. "You stole my blood to curse a necklace, and you think I'm stupid enough to wear it?"

"It's not a curse. I took away your freedom, and I know that that was wrong, and I know nothing I do will change the fact that it happened or that you hate me for it, but I made this so you can experience a freedom other humans can't. It will give you wings."

Thor gasps and holds the necklace out to Clint, almost reverently. "That is extremely powerful magic indeed."

Clint knocks the necklace to the floor as he stands up, his chair crashing into the wall. "The only thing I want from you is for you to leave me alone."

He storms out of the room and Loki sighs. He hadn't expected anything different, but it still hurt.

"Bribery won't work on him, Steve," Tony says. "You should know that."

"I didn't know." Steve stops staring at Loki so he can turn to Tony. "I didn't know Loki was doing this."

They're all so busy staring at Loki, wondering if maybe he really is starting to change, that they miss Natasha bending down to pick the necklace up off the floor.

* * *

The inevitable happens two weeks later. A real villain lands in New Jersey, determined to take out the entire state, and the Avengers Assemble text goes out to everyone. Well, almost everyone.

Steve wakes up to his phone buzzing and he flips it open to see the message from Fury. "Avengers Assemble. Loki sits this one out."

Steve scowls, but he's too good a soldier to question orders so he rushes to his closet to pull out his suit, and he's just finishing getting himself into it when Loki knocks on his door.

"Can this wait?" Steve asks even as Loki is slipping into his room, and when he turns around, Loki's arms are crossed over his chest, and he looks pissed.

"You're going into battle."

Steve grabs his shield and his face mask from his closet. "Yes."

"You're not bringing me with you."

"Not on this one," Steve says, wishing he could close his eyes or leave the room, anything so he didn't have to see the hurt in Loki's eyes.

"I thought I was one of you."

"You're in training," Steve says, fitting his mask over his face, transforming himself from Steve Rogers into Captain America. Captain America's first priority is the Avengers and making sure the world stays safe. Steve is the one who is concerned about Loki's feelings.

"You don't trust me."

Steve picks up his shield, ignores the guilt that's eating away at his chest. "You know I trust you, but the Avengers are successful, because we're a team. You and Clint aren't ready to fight together yet which means you have to sit this one out."

Hurt gives way to anger, and Loki hisses. "You expect me to change, but you don't trust that I do. How am I supposed to please you?"

"I don't have time for this right now," Steve says. "We'll talk about it when I get home."

He brushes past Loki, pretending that he doesn't see the way Loki's shoulders are starting to shake. He can't think about Loki right now. He needs to focus on getting the team mobilized. Everyone is on the roof waiting for the helicopter when Steve gets there, and he arrives just in time to hear Tony say-

"I don't see why we're needed, really. I personally wouldn't mind if New Jersey just disappeared, and I know a lot of guys who'd agree with me."

"I do not see why Loki cannot come," Thor says, his argument with Coulson steamrolling over Tony's attempt at trolling. "He has proven that he is changing."

Steve does not want to listen to round two of this argument, because it isn't fair, but it's happening anyways so he marches up to Tony and grabs an armored arm. "You're giving me a lift. I want to go hit things."

"Uh, this is not your usual reaction," Tony says as Steve drags him to the edge of the roof. "Anyone else concerned about this? Nope? Just me? Okay."

Steve wraps his arms around Iron Man's waist and launches them off the roof so Tony has no choice but to fly. He's mad at Loki, he's mad at SHIELD, but mostly he's mad at himself, and he wants to forget everything by fighting. He should've known better than to promise Loki something he wasn't sure he could deliver. He hadn't promised Loki a position as an Avenger, but he had promised him redemption, and Loki had looked so betrayed when Steve left the room that it still makes his stomach wrench with guilt.

He jumps off Tony's back when Tony flies over a building filled with grunts and starts swinging his shield. He drops and rolls. Throws his shield, gets it back, swings again. The routine of battle helps to force everything out of his mind except for reacting and an awareness of the enemy, and Steve becomes like a machine.

It takes him a minute to realize that he's swinging at empty air and he looks around him to see everyone on the roof on the ground groaning.

"Shit, that was hot," Tony says somewhere up above Steve.

Steve ignores him. "Where am I needed next?"

"Next rooftop over." Clint sounds pissy, and Steve doesn't know why he's upset, because he's getting his way. Steve's the one who fought with Loki this morning, who had to tell him that maybe his best was never going to be good enough, and it made Steve feel like shit, so Clint doesn't have any right to be angry.

Steve leaps off the building and is on course to land safely on the next roof when something collides with him midair.

"Not funny, Tony," he grunts but then he's falling and while Tony might be enough of a jerk to knock him out of the air, he would never let Steve fall.

"I'm not—oh shit. Hang on, buddy, I'm coming to get you."

Steve's plummeting towards the ground when something catches him, but it's not Tony, because he knows what the Iron Man armor feels like. Even more troubling, it's not the Hulk. Steve doesn't have a lot of time to reflect on who might have plucked him out of the sky or why because he feels a brief flash of pain in his head and everything goes dark.

* * *

Steve wakes up and the first thing he notices is that it's cold. The next thing he notices is that it's dark and he can't move his hands. He tugs at his restraints but they don't give. His fingers have started to go numb and the chill has started working its way through the rest of him, and Steve does his best not to panic.

Except, he seems to be encased in something. There's smooth metal pressing against his back and right up against his nose and has he been buried alive? He's trapped and he's slowly getting colder, and he wonders if this is what being frozen alive would've felt like if he hadn't been knocked out by the plane crash.

He starts dragging in raspy breaths that remind him of when he used to get asthma attacks, and he's breathing faster, but he still doesn't feel like he's getting enough oxygen, and he's trying to beat his hands against his cage, except they won't move and they're too stiff to even form a fist, and he swears the space is getting smaller and his fingers numb, and he's going to die here and then Loki's going to go crazy, and oh no Loki—Steve yelled at him this morning and they fought, and they were never going to be able to make up and—

There's a screech as metal is pulled back and suddenly light is flooding Steve's face, and he tries to bring up an arm to hold it off, but he still can't move. Instead, he winces at the light and tries to figure out what's going to happen next. Torture? Are they going to video tape him and send out a ransom? Who had taken him? What do they want?

"I told you you needed me there," Loki says, breaking Steve's restraints and pulling him out of the capsule.

Steve clings to Loki, because he's familiar and he's warm, but mostly because Loki is real and he's here, and if Steve holds onto him then maybe everything will be okay.

"I'm sorry," Steve says, burying his face in Loki's shoulder. He's sorry they fought, he's sorry he didn't bring Loki with him, he's sorry for everything. "I'm sorry. I'm-"

"Shh," Loki says, running his hands through Steve's ear. "Let's get you home."

Home sounds good, Steve thinks, and Loki whisks them off to the Tower.

* * *

Steve doesn't let go of Loki even once he's in the safety of his own room. He keeps his cheek pressed to Loki's as Loki peels the top half of his uniform off, then presses their chests together, and when Loki bends down to help Steve with the bottom half of his uniform, Loki makes sure to rest his face on Steve's stomach. Steve trembles the whole time, and he's too distracted to realize there's someone in the room with him when he's only in his briefs.

"I'm so sorry," Steve says, the only thing he has said since Loki found him, and Loki presses a finger to his lips.

Loki pulls Steve into bed and magics away most of his own clothing. He lies on top of Steve, using Steve's chest as a pillow and twining his legs with Steve's so as much of their bodies are in contact as possible. Steve's skin is still cold to the touch, and he's shivering, but his arms wrap around Loki in a solid, possessive hold that Loki's not sure he'd be able to break even if he wanted to.

"You need to rest," Loki says, his lips brushing Steve's skin.

"Mm." Steve holds Loki tighter, and Loki lets the other man's heartbeat lull him to sleep.

* * *

Steve is trapped, and he's lying flat on his back watching the ice wave roll toward him. He needs to get away before it reaches him, but he can't move, and it's coming closer, and he doesn't want to be frozen again, he doesn't want to be cold anymore and-

"Hey," Loki's voice is gentle, but insistent and it snaps Steve out of his nightmare.

Steve is sweating and sucking in harsh breaths, but Loki has one hand splayed across his chest and another holding his face, and Loki is looking at him, just staring down at him with worry, and is this another dream?

"I'm sorry," Steve says and Loki laughs.

He throws his head back, exposing the long line of his throat and laughs until his entire body is shaking. Steve doesn't understand what's so funny, but Loki is beautiful like this, unrestricted, happy, carefree almost, and Steve just wants to reach out and kiss him.

So he does.

Loki's goes rigid with shock, but Steve's lips are resolute, and he wraps a arm around Loki's waist, pulling him flush against Steve's body, and then Loki is kissing him back, fingers scrambling against Steve's skin, hips rocking against Steve's, his tongue sweeping through Steve's mouth and leaving his breathless.

"Oh," Steve sighs when Loki pulls back to give Steve a chance to breath.

His hand is still tangled in Loki's hair, but when he tries to draw Loki in for another kiss, Loki slips out of his grasp.

"You're not well," Loki says. "Are you still cold?"

Steve's lips are throbbing from the kiss, and his skin is burning where Loki's touched it. He shakes his head. "Thank you for coming after me."

"I kind of had to. You know, the spell and all." Loki doesn't meet Steve's gaze.

"You came earlier than you needed to," Steve says. "And you still came regardless of why. So thank you." Loki tries to shrug off the thanks again, but Steve stops him. "How do you respond when someone says thank you?"

The tone is so Steve, so not the whimpering man Loki watched over last night, that he's too relieved to argue. "You're welcome." He wants to kiss Steve again, but he knows the first kiss was a mistake, a frenzy of too much emotion so he doesn't. "You're welcome."

Steve throws an arm out, an invitation. "Can we go back to sleep now?"

Loki tries not to smile at the 'we', but he knows he's not entirely successful. When did he become such a sap? He needs to go cause some mayhem somewhere.

"You cannot," JARVIS says, making both men jump. "Fury requested that you go to SHIELD for debriefing as soon as you awoke."

Loki contemplates destroying the entire computer system as Steve sighs, clearly not wanting to get up, but slowly sits up because duty comes before anything, even personal health.

"You can tell them I wouldn't let you out of the room," Loki says as Steve rubs his eyes.

Steve gives him a grateful smile as he slides out of bed. "Thank you, but I don't want to get you into trouble." He's halfway to his closet when he realizes that he's only in his briefs and his eyes go wide and he sprints to the walk-in closet.

Loki laughs. "You realize that I slept with you like that all night, and I've seen you naked, right?"

Steve doesn't answer, but he emerges from his closet looking a little bulkier than usual. It isn't a lot, but it's enough that Loki notices. When Steve comes over to hug him, Loki takes advantage of the situation to get a glimpse underneath Steve's waffle shirt. He's wearing underarmor beneath it, and Loki bets he's wearing underarmor pants underneath his sweats as well. It makes him hold onto Steve a moment longer than he usually would.

Steve pulls back but keeps a hand on the side of Loki's face. "You," he pauses, and hugs Loki again so he doesn't have to look at Loki when he says, "You were the last person I thought of."

Coward, Steve's mind accuses. He doesn't argue as he runs out of the room before Loki can react.

* * *

*I have no idea what that means, but I took it from here: content/19/1. toc


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Just a warning that I should've put in the previous chapter. There's some frozen alive/claustrophobia stuff happening in the last section just as a heads up. And, as always, you reviewers are awesome. I'm glad you're having as much fun reading this as I am writing it.

* * *

The rest of the Avengers are in the debriefing room when Steve gets there. His steps slow as he makes his way to his seat, wary of a trap. He frowns when he looks at the black eye Clint is sporting. It looks too fresh to be from their battle.

"Thor," Clint says, throwing a dirty look at the thunder god.

Thor shrugs. "You attacked Loki."

"A clone," Clint says with that tone that meant they'd unsuccessfully had this conversation several times already. "I attacked a clone of him. It did no damage to Loki."

Clint seems more angry about that last part than the fact that Thor hit him. Steve decides he really could care less. He's tired and all he wants to do is get back to his room. To Loki. He pushes that thought out of his mind.

"What's this about?" Steve asks, folding his hands on the table.

"This is about you," Fury says. "How are you feeling?"

"I would've liked to sleep more," Steve says and Fury starts to frown. "Sir."

Fury's frown only deepens. "You were kidnapped, Captain."

Images flash through Steve's mind. Falling off the roof. Being caught. The capsule. So cold. He pushes those thoughts out of his mind as well. At this rate, he's not going to have anything left in his head. "Yes, but as you can see, I'm back. I'm fine."

"Loki rescued you," Fury says and waits for Steve's reaction. Steve doesn't give him one.

"That's not all he did," Tony mutters and Steve spins to face him. Was Tony using JARVIS to spy on Steve's room? Did he see the kiss? Would Thor kill him when he found out? Steve shouldn't have kissed Loki. It was a weak moment, but he'd wanted to so badly, and it wasn't like it was ever going to happen again, because Loki clearly wasn't interested. Steve hopes he didn't ruin anything by kissing him. Loki might mock him for it, but Steve supposes he deserves that for thinking that kissing Loki was a good idea in the first place.

"Tony," Fury says in that tone that meant that Tony was saying something he wasn't supposed to."

"He leveled Nikema's facility," Tony says. "We didn't even know where his base of operations was, and Loki shut the whole thing down."

"He what?" Steve asks. "Why would he do that?"

Thor smiles. "He must like you."

Steve's protest is on his lips when he remembers his rescue. He remembers the relief in Loki's eyes, but he also remembers the burning anger. Loki had wiped out an entire super villain operation, because he'd kidnapped Steve? Steve feels like he should probably be annoyed that Loki killed everyone without a thought or that he'd gone and done it solo, but instead he smiles, because Loki had shown up to rescue him.

"He needs you, remember?" Clint says. "He dies if you die."

And just like that, the moment is ruined. Steve leans back in his seat, bored now. "Is that all?"

"What has gotten into you?" Fury asks.

All Steve wants to do is get back to his room. He wouldn't mind eating or even taking a nap, but he wants to be in his room, and he wants to talk to Loki. He needs to figure out what's happened between them. Loki rescued him and had a pretty epic revenge moment, and they'd kissed. That was a lot of stuff to happen in a short period of time, and Steve wants to know the why behind everything.

"I'm tired, sir."

"It's more than that," Fury says. "What happened to you? Nikema didn't have you for very long. As soon as Loki found out you'd been taken he went to find you."

They didn't know? Steve forces the emotion from his eyes, schooling his face into a perfect blank mask. If they don't know then Steve isn't going to tell them. He tilts his head to the side, his eyes widening to the perfect degree of innocence. "I don't know what you want from me, sir."

"It's fine," Fury says. "You didn't ask to be kidnapped, and it's not like we need any information on a facility that no longer exists. You can go back and get some rest. The rest of you, stay here. We can't afford to have teammates getting kidnapped in the middle of battle. It makes us look bad."

* * *

Loki sleeps in Steve's bed every night after the kidnapping. He arrives by choice, but once he's lying down beside Steve, Steve wraps an arm around his waist and Loki doesn't think he'd let him leave, not that Loki has any desire to leave. He will never say it out loud, but he doesn't mind sleeping with Steve, feeling the warmth of Steve chest pressed up against his back.

He rarely wakes up with the feel of Steve behind him, because Steve wakes up earlier than him, and he's surprisingly quiet for someone of his size. Often Loki wakes up see Steve, fully dressed, sitting at his desk and drawing. Steve never shares his pictures or tells Loki what he's drawing, and it nags at Loki until one day, he sneaks a peak at the book while Steve's in the gym working out.

It's full of sketches of Loki. There are some when he's laughing, when he's smirking, when he's in his armor, when he's in what Steve calls civilian clothes. Sketch after sketch detailing Loki's time spent in Stark Tower.

The last sketch is rough, but it is the best of them all. Loki is sleeping, half of the bed rumpled from where Steve had been, and Loki has a pillow clutched to his chest, his cheek resting on the corner. His eyes are closed, but there's something so open in them that Loki finds himself ripping the page out and tearing it into little tiny pieces.

He freezes once he realizes what he's done, and he's standing surrounded by Steve's drawing when Steve comes back from the gym. Steve looks at Loki, looks down at the ground, and seems to realize what's happened.

"I'm sorry," Steve says, pain flashing quickly across his face. "I didn't realize it would make you uncomfortable. I should've asked for permission."

He looks on the verge of tears but he doesn't say anything else and he doesn't get angry. He just goes to take a shower, and Loki stands there, feeling terrible.

When Steve comes out of the shower, the picture has been crudely taped back together and it's resting on a new sketchbook. Loki's left a note that simply says 'I'm sorry. Let me pose for you?'

* * *

They have their first meeting the seven of them, and they're in one of the smaller conference rooms so they can actually all sit around the table without Fury having to shout across the room. He's pleased when, five minutes in, no violence has erupted. He's less pleased when he sees the sweat beading on Steve's forehead.

It's stuffy in the room, because some idiot broke the AC, and Fury had warned them to dress lightly, but Steve's in a pullover sweater, and Fury can't remember ever seeing in Steve in anything but plaid button ups, white t-shirts, or his uniform before. Fury's a spy, trained to notice these kinds of things, and normally he wouldn't care if his Avengers started dressing differently but Steve's been off since the kidnapping, and this is another sign that not everything is well.

"You're looking a little warm there, soldier," Fury says.

Steve pulls his sleeves over his hands and smiles. "I'm fine, sir."

Fury frowns because he's clearly not fine, but he's debating how to call him on it when Loki huffs.

"He's far from fine."

Steve looks at Loki as if he can't understand why Loki's betraying him like that. "That's not true I-"

"He puts on more layers than he needs during the day, sleeps with his room set to 80 and a down comforter at night, and he's still having nightmares."

Loki juts his chin out, daring Steve to say he's wrong.

"Why do you know Steve's sleeping habits?" Tony asks.

"I think it's about time you told us what happened when Nikema captured you," Fury says, crossing his arms in his 'I have given an order and it will be promptly followed' manner.

"You haven't told them?" Loki asks, smacking Steve's shoulder.

"I'm fine," Steve mumbles, slapping Loki's hand away as he tries to hit him again. "I'm going to make it through this."

"You don't need to do it alone," Loki says, and he grabs Steve's chin when he tries to look away, forcing him to meet Loki's eyes. "Remember what you told me? Sometimes we need help, and there's no shame in asking for it." Loki pauses, watching indecision fill Steve's eyes. "Unless you lied to me."

"I hate you," Steve says, but even as the words come out of his mouth, he's wrapping his arms around Loki, holding onto him as if Loki's the only thing keeping him anchored to the Earth.

"No you don't," Loki says, running his hands through Steve's hair. Steve presses his cheek to Loki's chest, and Loki takes that to mean Steve's agreeing with him.

"We should get him to psych," Fury says. He turns to Coulson who gets up to walk over to Steve.

"Captain, I need you to come with me." Coulson slowly untangling Steve from Loki's body. Steve protests, but Coulson is insistent so eventually he stands up and lets Coulson lead him out of the room.

Once the door shuts behind them, Fury turns his full attention to Loki. "What the hell happened in that compound?"

* * *

The temperature in Steve's room is back to normal when Loki finds his way in there. Loki's in a pair of drawstring sweatpants and a plain black t-shirt, and Steve is taking up the whole bed when he gets there. Loki pauses, because this isn't normal. Usually Steve waits for him on one half of his bed, except for one arm which he stretches out for Loki to lie on.

Steve doesn't look at Loki even though he's heard him come in, and Loki frowns.

"Are you angry with me for what I said at the meeting?"

"No but I had a long talk with my psychiatrist. I have to put distance between us. I can't rely on you to make me feel better. I have to make sure I'm strong enough to heal on my own. If I need you then I'm weak." Steve drags a hand down his face. "Does that make sense?"

Loki's face is impassive. "Needing people is weak?"

Steve winces as he realizes how Loki's going to take what he said. "No, that's not it. You can't have a healthy relationship if one person is dependent on the other."

"Then I suppose it's good that we don't have a relationship," Loki says.

He walks out before Steve can try and explain what he's trying to say. Steve sighs and grabs his extra pillow, wrapping his arms around it. It's not the same, but he pushes the need out of his head. He had told Loki the truth. People have to be on the same level if they're going to have a relationship that works, and right now they're not. Steve is indebted to Loki for saving his life, and Steve is having an unhealthy reaction to that. He'll get over it and then things will get back to normal.

* * *

"Morning," Tony says bleary eyed when Steve comes into the kitchen.

Steve nods and cracks five eggs into a bowl. He whisks them and dumps it into the skillet. He's adding peppers, mushrooms, ham, and bacon when Loki enters the room. Steve looks up, a tentative smile on his face that's crushed when Loki's eyes flick to him then away without so much as a good morning or hello.

"This any good?" Loki asks, swiping a donut from Tony's plate.

"Hey!" Tony protests.

Loki takes a bite and makes a face. "Here, you can have it back. That's disgusting."

"I don't want your cooties!" Tony knocks the donut out of Loki's hand and it lands, frosting first, on the floor.

Steve slowly looks down at the donut then looks back up at the two guilty looking men. He goes back to his scrambled eggs.

"Well," Tony says, picking up his box of donuts and his coffee. "I'm going to go do science." He walks briskly out of the room and warns Bruce that he might want to wait for breakfast until things are a little less tense.

* * *

"Could you pass the potatoes, please?" Steve asks.

It's the first thing anyone has said at dinner, because Steve hasn't tried to start a conversation about how their days went or asked about their plans for tomorrow or tried to make any of the usual small talk, and no one else knows how to start a conversation.

Bruce hands the potatoes to Loki who hands them to Steve, and they're careful not to exchange any contact. Steve holds the bowl of potatoes in two hands and pretends the warmth of the bowl is the same as the warmth of Loki's hand.

"So," Tony says, poking at his ham. "Uh anyone doing anything fun tomorrow? We can have a pool party. Or, even better, fly to Malibu and have a beach party."

"We should be focusing on our training," Steve says, spooning potatoes onto his plate. "Not partying."

"Has anyone ever told you you're not very fun?" Tony asks.

Steve doesn't even bother to glare at him. "I'm sorry. I didn't spend my childhood and early adulthood partying. I was too busy trying to survive the Great Depression and then WWII."

Tony presses his lips together and looks over at Bruce as if to say 'you're up to bat now'.

"We could all use a day off," Bruce says. "Training will wait." He pauses, almost looking pained. "Research will wait. We should do some team bonding."

Clint looks ready to protest, but Steve beats him to it.

"Training will wait?" Steve's hand curls tight around his knife. "You going to tell me the villains are going to wait too? We're weak, Banner. Each of us has at least one thing we need to work on, and we don't have the time to sit around braiding each other's hair. We have to conquer our weaknesses before the enemy can use them against us."

Steve drops his silverware and it clanks against his plate before balling up the napkin on his lap and tossing it onto his plate.

"If you want to take a day off, you're more than welcome to, but I'm not making it mandatory. Some of us aren't invincible." Steve gets up from the table and walks out.

"Okay," Tony says once Steve is gone. He looks over at Loki. "Your turn."

Loki makes a face that says 'what me?'. "What am I supposed to do?"

Tony shrugs. "You two fought. Now Steve's pissy. Fix it."

Loki's eyes are rimmed with red as he looks up at Steve. "If I knew how, I would've done it already."

"You two quarreled?" Thor asks. "About what?"

Loki suddenly finds his dinner extremely interesting. "I'll fix it."

Wisely, no one presses any further.

* * *

Loki doesn't have to come to Steve. Loki's in the bunker the morning after the dinner Steve walked out of, working on his clone control when there are two knocks on the door, Steve's trademark knock.

Loki's clones disappear. "Come in."

Steve enters and he's wearing his full Captain America get up from the boots to the gloves to the face mask. It hides his face, and Loki can't tell what he's thinking.

Steve locks his hands behind his back. "I've come to ask for your help."

Loki raises an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"I'm claustrophobic," Steve says. "And I'm afraid of ice."

"No."

Steve crosses his arms over his chest. "I must conquer these fears or I may end up being a liability to my team. And I can't rely on someone being there to save me. I need to be able to save myself."

"I won't do this," Loki says, turning his back on Steve. "We all have limitations. Yours are nothing to be ashamed of."

"Limitations are there to be overcome." Steve crosses the distance between him and Loki so he can put his hand on Loki's shoulder and turn him around. "I need your help to overcome them."

"This is madness," Loki says. He tries to brush off Steve's arm, but Steve tightens his hold, and Loki knows he won't win this argument. He recognizes the frenzied look in Steve's eyes. Loki's seen it looking back at him in a mirror often enough to know that he won't be able to talk Steve down.

Loki sighs. "Take off your mask. If you're going to make me do this then I want to see your face."

Steve unhooks the masks and lets it drop to the ground. He looks vulnerable without the blue fabric covering the top half of his face. He looks like a boy, a lost and scared boy, and Loki doesn't want to do what Steve is asking him to do.

Steve lies down on the ground, crosses his arms over his chest, and he waits. He sees Loki changing out of the corner of his eye, but he doesn't turn his head. He stares at the ceiling, preparing himself for what is to come.

"You don't have to do this," Loki says, looking down at Steve. Compared to Loki's Jotun form, Steve is small, fragile even, and he doesn't answer. He continues to wait.

Loki raises his hands and starts to cover Steve with ice. He starts with his boots and moves up, wishing the whole time that Steve will tell him to stop but knowing he won't. Loki forces himself to watch Steve's face as he encases him in ice, and at first Steve's face is impassive. As the ice reaches his knees, Steve's eyes begin to dart around. Once it reaches his hands, rendering him immobile, he has to press his lips together to keep himself from putting a stop to this.

"All the way," Steve says, his voice strained as the ice stops at his neck. It's cold, biting into sensitive skin, and his body is trapped, and it's a terrifying feeling, but he needs to be strong.

Loki calls more ice to him and lets it cover Steve's face. He approaches the ice block and kneels down beside Steve, touching the ice above Steve's face. Steve's eyes are wide, panicked, and Loki can see the rapid rise and fall of Steve's chest.

"Breathe," Loki says. "Calm yourself. Panic only feeds fear. You must control your reaction in order to control the situation. Deep breaths, Steve. In and out."

Steve's cold and he's trapped and at any moment the ice is going to lull him to sleep, and he might not wake up for another century. If he closes his eyes, everyone could be dead when he wakes up. He tries to move his arms, but they won't budge. Neither will his legs. He doesn't have any of his super soldier strength to protect him. He has nothing but his mind, and his thoughts are scattered. His defenses are gone. Worst case scenarios are on a loop in his head, and he can't escape.

"In and out," Loki reminds. "Slow, even breathing. If you're going to torture yourself, you better get something out of it."

Loki's voice cuts through the ice and the haze in Steve's head. Breathing. Something about breathing. Steve tries to follow Loki's commands, tries to focus on his voice. As Steve's breathing evens out, the fog in his mind gets pushed back. He's able to focus on what's around him. Only, what's around him is a block of ice. It's cold and it's pressing up against his face, and he's trapped and-

The ice suddenly melts leaving Steve in a puddle of water, gasping for breath.

Loki touches his hand to Steve's shoulder. "Have you had enough now?"

Steve pushes his hand away. "Again."

"This is not healthy."

"I will conquer this. And you need practice utilizing your Jotun form. I've seen the footage. You're avoiding it."

Loki's eyes flash. "Do not make this about me. There is nothing noble or self-sacrificing in your actions right now."

"I need this!" Steve shouts, his body shaking as he tries to contain his rage and his fear. It startles Loki, and Steve drops his head, ashamed. "Please," he says, his voice barely a whisper now. "I need your help."

Loki crouches down beside Steve and cups Steve's cheek in his hand. It's their first physical contact since their fight, and Steve turns into the gesture. Loki's thumb brushes away the droplets of water sticking to Steve's eyelashes.

"I have to do this."

Loki touches his forehead to Steve's. "I will assist you only if you promise to tell me if it gets to be too much."

Steve nods and even though Loki's not certain he believes him, he calls his ice to him again.


	7. Chapter 7

Loki doesn't argue with Steve when they get the next Avenger Assemble text. Loki still isn't invited, but he steers clear of the Avengers while they're getting ready, and he doesn't confront Steve. Steve pretends that he doesn't care.

The battle isn't anything special. They fight in an open field, and Hawkeye is flying the jet, firing off guns instead of arrows. He doesn't mind it too much until someone shoots him out of the air. He makes a split minute decision and leaps out of the jet, hoping there'll be someone there to catch him. If he survives this, Coulson is going to kill him for not wearing a parachute while on the plane.

He falls through the sky, hoping pieces of the burning jet don't hit him, hoping he doesn't end up smashing his face on the ground. He can hear the fight going on around him, he can see what's going on on the ground, and he thinks he can hear Natasha screaming his name. Maybe that's just his imagination though.

The ground is coming at him, and he knows the impact will kill him. He wonders what it means that Natasha is the last person to run through his mind. Something very solid and very heavy collides with him, saving him from his early death. Everything is a blur from there, and his body rocks when whatever's caught him hits the ground.

Once he can breathe again, the arm lets him go, and Clint rolls off the Hulk.

"Thanks, man," Clint says, giving the Hulk's shoulder a punch. He stands up and checks to make sure his quiver is still strapped to his back. He activates his bow and nocks an arrow, already running. He can fight just as well on the ground as in the air. Besides, he now has the 'I almost died' adrenaline coursing through his system.

* * *

Natasha finds Clint after the battle when they're recovering in the Tower. He'd brushed off everyone's concern as they waited for a new jet to come pick them up, and she hadn't pushed him. She was waiting for him to be alone so she wouldn't bruise his ego when she yelled at him.

He's sitting on the edge of his bed, his head in his hands when she comes in. She purposefully makes a lot of noise, shutting the door with enough force to alert him to her presence. He looks up and when he sees it's only her, he drops his head back to his hands.

"You almost died today," she says.

"That's direct."

"Did you expect anything else?"

Clint sighs and looks up at her. "Every time we fight we might die. We knew that signing up. Today was a closer call than other days. It changes nothing." Clint learned long ago not to dwell too much on the fact that any mission might mean his death. Fear makes him freeze in crucial moments, makes him hesitate to take risks he needs to take. He's going to die at some point, and he wants it to be while he's trying to do something good.

"You would've died without the Hulk."

"Lingering on my near death isn't going to help anything."

Natasha crosses her arms over her chest. "It could've been avoided."

Clint drags a tired hand down his face. "Can we go back to being direct? What are you here about?"

Natasha pulls something out of her bra and tosses it to him. He catches the pendant, but as soon as he sees what it is he drops it to the floor.

"Pick it up," Natasha says, her tone brooking no room for argument. "You're going to learn how to use that."

"No way," Clint says. "I'm not touching anything that has Loki's magic on it."

"It wasn't a request," Natasha says. "The Hulk was here for you today, but one day he won't be. One day someone won't notice you plummeting to your death or they'll be too busy or your life won't be worth as much as the ones they're saving. We're only human, Clint, we need every advantage we can get."

"I'll pass on this one," Clint says. He stands up and goes over to his dresser. "You can see yourself out now."

Natasha has him pinned against the piece of furniture in an instant, his face pressed uncomfortably against one of the drawer handles.

"I am not messing around. I'm not going to lose you, because you're too stubborn to accept Loki's help."

Clint shoves her off, and she falls back against his bed. He's breathing heavy, and his hands ball into fists, desperately wanting to fight. "I know you're cold, but I thought you'd understand."

Natasha looks up at him from his bed. "Understand what?"

"I'm scared," Clint says, the anger draining out of his body, leaving him feeling weak. He leans against his dresser even though Natasha's going to see the gesture as a sign of weakness.

Natasha's face softens and she pushes herself off his bed. "I know," she says, approaching him until her hands are on either side of his face. "I know, and if this is a trick then I swear to you we will kill him together."

Clint rests his forehead against her, and he knows there are tears forming in his eyes, but Natasha's the only one he can be vulnerable around. She's the only one who will understand, and he knows that after this brief moment, this indulgence of weakness, that she'll never mention it, and they can pretend that it never happened.

His hands are shaking so he fists them in the fabric of her shirt and pulls her closer. Her body is warm against his, a reassurance that she's by his side, and he knows that when they're together, nothing can touch them. He was alone when Loki got to him, and the worst part of his imprisonment was that he was separated from Natasha. He was trapped in his own mind, forced to do things he didn't want to. The two of them have always had each other's backs since he first met her when he was assigned to kill her, and he knows that if she had been there at HQ then Loki never would've gotten to him.

"We're going to get through this," Natasha promises, "but we can't do that if you're dead."

"I don't want to be indebted to him."

Natasha smiles. "Think of it as payback."

Clint's hands tighten in her shirt. "He'll never be able to erase what he's done."

"I never said he could. There's no shame in accepting a gift from him, and there's no reason to fear that you'll have to forgive him because of it."

Clint sighs and lets her go. "I guess we should give this thing a go then."

Natasha's thumb brushes Clint's cheek. "I'll be here the whole time."

* * *

The Avengers have, grudgingly, become more accepting of Loki, but that doesn't mean any of them, aside from Thor and Steve, actually like him. Steve, however, is resolved to change this. He wants Loki to feel like a part of the team so that Loki can fight alongside them. He knows that things haven't been easy for Loki recently, and Steve knows that a lot of the blame for that rests on his shoulders, but he's going to make everything better.

He's noticed that Clint has taken to wearing the hawk pendant, even though he goes through great pains to hide that he is in fact wearing it. Steve doesn't mention it, but he does invite Loki to their next BroTash night. Tony had originally referred to the weekly mandatory Avenger hang out/team bonding time as Bro Night, but he was afraid Natasha would take offense and try and kill him so he changed it to Bro and Natasha night then shortened it to BroTash night. Now everyone agrees that it's a stupid name, but no one is trying to kill anyone else, and everyone shows up.

Steve is sitting next to Loki on the couch and his arm is stretched out along the back. Loki's neck brushes Steve's arm, but neither of them say anything. They've been getting along better recently, but they're not back to where they'd been before the kidnapping and their subsequent fight.

They work on facing Steve's fears for a half hour every morning, Loki refuses to go longer than that, and for the following half hour they curl up in blankets on Steve's bed so Steve can get warm. Sometimes Steve sits and sips hot chocolate while he flips through a comic book, and sometimes they simply cuddle, but they're always in physical contact and they never speak.

Steve bends his elbow so he can run his hand through Loki's hair. It's a subconscious gesture, but Loki smiles and leans into Steve.

"I have missed this," Loki says softly.

Steve's hand pauses, and he realizes what he's been doing. "Would you like to watch a movie tomorrow?"

Loki turns so Steve can see his grin. "Dim lighting, bodies in close contact?" His hand slides up Steve's leg, and there's a mischievous twinkle in his eye. "How could I turn that down?"

A blush rises on Steve's cheeks and Loki laughs, attracting the attention of the others. Steve quickly drops his arm to the back of the couch and clears his throat.

"Sorry, what were you guys talking about?" he asks.

Tony's not easily distracted, and his grin promises nothing good for Steve. "No, no, don't let us interrupt you. Go back to your whispering. I'll even toast to your happiness." He raises his glass of wine and finishes it before pouring another.

"That's his third glass," Steve says too quiet for the others to hear.

"You don't approve," Loki guesses.

"It can't be healthy, and he's a belligerent drunk." Steve pauses and looks at Bruce who is slowly sliding away from Tony as the man fills his wine glass. "Besides, some of the team, well, they haven't had good experiences around people who drink."

Loki smiles, a curve of his lips that Steve knows better than to trust and then Tony's spitting liquid everywhere. He holds up his glass, the contents clear now, and he glares at Loki, because no one else in the room is capable of magic.

"You turned my wine into water," he accuses and Loki grins. "Isn't it supposed to be the other way around?"

Loki shrugs. "Maybe in Christian lore."

As soon as Tony sets his glass down and redirects his attention to Bruce, who has started to inch back towards his original position, Steve puts a hand on Loki's knee and squeezes. Loki ignores the tingle that goes through his body and how the spot remains warm even after Steve takes his hand away.

* * *

Avengers Assemble.

Steve's in the gym when he gets the text, and he rushes up to his room to get his uniform, leaving his sweat towel on the floor for someone else to pick up. By the time he reaches the living room everyone is there, including Thor who is wrestling with one of his boots.

Steve's gaze pauses when he sees the Loki is standing next to Thor, watching his brother struggle with a half-grin on his face. Steve forces himself to keep a hold on his shield, but it's a close call.

"You're coming with us?" Steve asks.

Loki's face lights up. "I am."

Steve feels a matching smile stretch across his face. He's not sure who's more excited right now, him or Loki, and he tries to temper his pleasure by remembering that they're gathered here, because there's a crisis. There are people being hurt, but he can't completely wipe the smile off his face, because Loki is finally becoming one of them.

Steve looks around the room to gauge everyone else's reactions. Thor can't stop grinning, Bruce has his hands in his pockets and is rocking back and forth on his toes, Natasha looks impatient, and Clint is staring at the floor, but he doesn't look like he's going to protest. Steve lets out a small breath of relief.

"Well?" Tony says, his hands on his hips and in the Iron Man suit it looks absolutely ridiculous. He gestures at Loki. "Aren't you going to suit up?"

Loki tilts his head to the side, confused.

Tony rolls his eyes. "We're super heroes, we wear ridiculous costumes. Put yours on. But not the helmet. It's tacky."

Loki looks around at everyone else's outfits and raises an eyebrow. "I don't think any of you are in a position to be lecturing me on clothing choices."

Despite his comment, Loki doesn't include the helmet, but he dons his Asgardian apparel for the first time since he and Steve had gone shopping for new clothes. He holds himself taller as the cape settles against his shoulders, and Thor clasps his on the shoulder.

"I am honored to once again fight at your side, brother."

Loki grins and reaches up to squeeze Thor's shoulder as well. "We are a formidable opponent when we are together."

"Blah blah brothers in arms blah blah," Tony says. "Can we go fight things now or do you have to start some sort of battle chant?"

Thor and Loki grin and race each other up to the roof where the helicopter is waiting for them.

* * *

Loki has not fought like this in a long time. He isn't used to looking out for the welfare of his allies or for being aware of the civilians that are caught up in the fight. When he fought with Thor on Asgard there were no such things as innocent civilians. Everyone could, and did, bear arms when there was an attack. He has to be careful with his magic now so he doesn't accidently kill civilians in the crossfire.

He also keeps an eye out on his teammates. He didn't care much for the Chi'tauri and the losses they suffered during his attempt to conquer the Earth, but he cares about the Avengers, or at least he doesn't want to see them dead. It means he has to be careful not to accidently hit them, and it means that he finds himself watching them, making sure they're all right.

Steve has been swarmed by the Inchi-tok, a race of beings that resemble human ants through much larger and much more aggressive. Steve is brandishing his shield, but every time he cuts a leg, a new one grows to replace it. Only decapitation appears to be killing them, but he can't afford to be that precise, because he's trying to keep them from overcoming him.

"Stark, you up there?" Steve asks, breathing heavy into the comm.

"Little busy," Tony answers. "Some of these things have wings. They burn nicely though."

Fire, Steve thinks, slicing an ant thing in half. He backs up and finds himself on the edge of the roof. Well, that isn't good. "Loki, you near me?"

"I can see you." Loki pauses to throw a fire ball at a flying ant that had a gun aimed at an unsuspecting Natasha.

"When I tell you to, I need you to light up my shield," Steve says.

"I could hurt you."

"Trust me," Steve says. He swings his shield, making the ants back off but only for a moment. He ducks under his shield and hopes this works. "Now."

Loki takes a deep breath and opens up fire. It shoots out of his hands and when it hits Steve's shield it fans out to sweep through the ants burning them to ash.

"Thanks," Steve says, standing up and wiping the sweat off his forehead. The fire didn't get through his shield, but the heat definitely did. "Care to give me a lift to the next rooftop?"

Loki appears at Steve's side, a healthy flush in his cheeks. "It would be my honor." He extends an arm and Steve can't but laugh as he takes it.

* * *

Clint dives and rolls and fires an arrow off. It goes clean through the ant-soldier on his tail, and strikes the one behind him. The wounded ant rips the arrow out of his arm and raises it above his head as he charges.

Oh, shit thinks, grabbing another arrow and knocking it. He doesn't have enough space to shoot an arrow so he ducks as the ant swings the arrow at him. He dodges the arrow but two of the ant's arms reach out and grab him. They're stronger than he'd expected and have weird hairs that tickle his arms as he tries to twist free.

He stabs at it with the arrow clutched in his hand, poking out an eye. The ant shrieks, its mandibles clicking together as yellow blood oozes from the wound. Clint could've lived many long years without ever seeing anything like that. He kicks the ant solidly in the chest and it stumbles back.

The ant he'd originally hit hones in on Clint, the arrow wound already healing.

"What the hell," Clint mutters.

"Decapitation or incineration," Tony says cheerfully. "It's going to be a fun afternoon."

Clint drops his bow and reaches for his knives. He's not going to be doing any decapitation with a bow and arrow. He's not going to be doing too many with such small blades either.

"Anyone got a flamethrower?" he jokes leaping at the ants again, this time ready to kill them.

He manages to get the head off one before there are four hairy arms grabbing him and throwing him to the ground. He has to drop one of his knives, but he manages to land without hurting himself. He rolls out of the way of the ant that now has one of Clint's arrows in one hand and Clint's knife in another. Clint hates it when the enemy uses his weapons against him. He gets to his feet and evaluates how best to attack it.

"I'm getting swarmed," Natasha says, a hint of panic in her voice. "Any help would be appreciated."

She must have it bad if she's asking for help, Clint thinks. Not that he's doing particularly well himself at the moment. He slowly backs up, making sure he's aware of how much space he has before he tumbles off the edge of the building. The ant advances on him, and Clint scans it for weaknesses. It has two extra arms, but Clint can take it out. He's a trained assassin. Aliens are new but killing isn't.

He lunges and the ant skitters backwards. It recovers and sweeps its knife arm out, but Clint has already rolled out of the way and pops up on the other side of the creature. He hacks off the knife arm while it's recovering and grins. He forgot how much fun fighting is.

And then the arm grows back. Clint's eyes go wide. That is definitely not a good development. It runs at him and Clint jumps backwards to avoid the arrowhead that's trying to pierce his skin. He ducks under another attempted hit and lops off the arm. The ant might grow it back, but it's out of weapons now.

That fact doesn't slow it down. One arm swings at Clint's face and he ducks, only to get hit in the face with another arm. His head snaps to the side even as yet another fist collides with his chest. He grunts and stumbles back. A solid kick—really it has four arms and it's also going to use its legs?—sends him reeling and his toes scramble for purchase on the edge of the rooftop. His arms flail, trying to get his balance and then he falls.

Again, he can't help but wonder. He misses the days when he didn't fight on rooftops. He's about to get up close and personal with the city's sidewalks when he remembers the pendant. Rather, the pendant flies up and hits him in the face.

He doesn't want to do this. He knows how to use it, Natasha made sure of that, but he never expected he'd need to use it. If he doesn't use it soon he'll never have to use it. He takes a deep breath, swallows his pride, and says, "_Byrja_."

"What was that?" Tony asks. "Clint, did you say something?"

Clint feels the magic twist through his body, feels the itching between his shoulder blades, and then the wings shoot from his back. They reach out and Clint flaps them, keeping his face from meeting cement. He pulls up out of his dive and returns to the rooftop to grab his abandoned weapons.

"Clint, are you okay?" Natasha sounds worried.

"Fine," he says, his wings powerful, launching him over the city. "You still need help?"

"Cap came. Where are we needed next?"

Clint surveys the battlefield. Thor and Loki are fighting back to back, and he's surprised to see Loki engaging in physical combat. He'd assumed the guy relied on magic, because he's weak and doesn't like getting dirty, but he's got a blade in his hands, and he has no problem getting yellow ooze on his pretty cape. Or, apparently, with decapitating giant insects with his bare hands.

Clint is grudgingly appreciative, but he doesn't watch the brothers for long. They're clearly handling things themselves. There is an army of ants swarming towards a school which is a problem.

"School," Clint says. "Two blocks from you. Better hurry. Might need more than one of you."

"Tony, with me," Cap orders. "Clint, stick with Natasha."

"Extermination time," Tony says gleefully. "Also, nice wings, Clint. They look good on you."

Clint ignores him and tucks his wings in so he can dive toward Natasha's position.

* * *

"We are awesome," Tony says, raising his scotch glass in a toast. He doesn't have scratches all over his body like Clint and Natasha, but he's bruised and more than a little stiff. The scotch will take care of that.

"I hate ants," Bruce says. He downs his glass of Gatorade and pours another. Transforming in and out of the Hulk takes a lot out of him. He grabs a handful of pretzels.

They're all together in the Tower, in the room with Tony's bar, celebrating their victory today. Thor and Natasha are going shot for shot, Clint is sipping a rum and coke, and Tony's on his second scotch.

Steve nurses his beer and watches Tony grin and sling an arm around Clint's shoulder and then he sees Thor punch Natasha in the arm, and it reminds him of the days before he was frozen. It reminds him of the war, sitting around with his fellow soldiers, talking about the latest skirmish, sharing stories of their women back home, previous units they'd been in, their dreams for when they got out.

He knows that even if he hadn't been frozen, they wouldn't be alive and with him here now, but he wishes he'd had more time with them. He wishes Bucky could've made it out of the war. That he could've had that dance with Peggy.

His fingers tighten around the neck of his bottle until his knuckles turn white.

"You're not celebrating?" Loki asks, appearing at his side. He's no longer in his battle armor, he's in black slacks and a black cotton t-shirt. "I thought you would be enjoying this." Loki motions to comradery around them.

Steve shrugs. "I guess it gets old after a while." He doesn't want to make new memories. He's afraid they'll overwrite the ones he already has, and he can't lose those. He's already lost the people, if he loses the memories then they'll truly be gone. If that means he has to stand back and watch his team after a mission, he can do that.

"You're certainly a killjoy," Loki says. "Maybe you're just too old."

Steve rolls his eyes. "Like I haven't heard that one before."

"Earth celebrations too mundane for you?" Loki asks. "Fine. I'll show you how we do it on Asgard. See if you can mope around after that."

He leans in close, his hands pressed against Steve's chest, his lips inches from Steve's before smirking and turning around. He grabs Thor and pulls him up onto the coffee table.

"What is the meaning of this, brother?"

Loki grins and takes a long drink from Thor's beer. "Time to show these humans what we're really made of." He makes eye contact with Steve and grin's, looking positively diabolical. "I'm going to need a drink for this."

"Why are you standing on my table?" Tony asks, handing Loki a beer.

"So I can dance, obviously." Loki clinks his bottle against Thor's and begins to sing.

_A better burden/no man can bear  
On the way than his mother wit:  
And no worse provision/can he carry with him  
Than too deep a draught of ale*_

Loki's laughs and takes another drink before nudging Thor who is staring at him like he has no idea what has happened to his brother. "Don't make me carry this burden alone, brother."

Thor's face splits into a wide grin and he slaps Loki heartily on the back. They sing the second verse together.

_Less good than they say/for the sons of men  
Is the drinking oft of ale:  
For the more they drink/the less they can think  
And keep a watch over their wills._

Halfway through the second verse, Loki pulls Tony up onto the table. Natasha takes another shot of vodka, and she jumps up to join them. Loki grins and hops down as Thor starts the third verse, wrapping his arm around Tony's waist.

Loki's smile is positively wicked as he slinks up to Steve, and Steve tries to frown, but he can't keep the smile off his face.

"I finally got you to enjoy yourself," Loki says, slipping his fingers up Steve's shirt.

"And you're very proud of that fact, I'm sure," Steve says, catching Loki's hands and holding them still.

Loki presses his hips to Steve's. "I have a little more work to do before I can consider myself proud."

A blush rises on Steve's cheeks, and Loki smirks, leaning in, his lips about to brush Steve's when a loud crash calls their attention. Loki turns around to see that Clint's fallen off the table. He's sitting on the ground, laughing hysterically as if he didn't just do something really embarrassing. Tony's smirking and Loki wonders if he's recording this whole thing.

He stops thinking when Steve wraps an arm around his waist and pulls Loki back against him. He rests comfortably against Steve's chest like he belongs there. Steve's thumb hooks through one of Loki's belt loops, and he rests his cheek against the side of Loki's head.

"You didn't have to do that," Steve says.

"But you're glad that I did." Loki turns his head so their cheeks are touching. "And that makes it worth it."

Loki's so close that Steve only has to move a little bit closer if he wants to kiss him, and he desperately wants to kiss him. Instead, he tilts Loki's head so they're looking at each other.

"I," Steve pauses, his eyes search Loki's for something, anything that tells him he should continue.

Loki frowns and he twists so that he's facing Steve. Their noses brush, and Steve pulls back so he can look Loki in the face when he says this. Where's that bravery he's so famous for?

"I love you," Steve says, and he holds his breath, watching Loki's face for his response.

"You what?" Loki asks, his voice soft, wavering. He takes a step back.

The room goes silent, even Clint stops giggling to watch the moment. Steve reaches a hand out to touch Loki's face, but pulls it back at the last minute.

"I love you."

Loki's wrists start to glow, illuminating yellow chains that connect him to Steve, and they snap before the light disappears. Loki takes another step back, looking at his hands, looking at Steve.

"The spell is broken," Thor says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Loki looks around the room. Natasha, Thor, and Tony are still on the table, and there is liquor splashed all over the place. Their smiles have slipped from their faces. Bruce is giving Clint a hand up, but both of them are staring at him as well. He purposefully doesn't look at Steve.

"Brother, no," Thor pleads, but it doesn't matter. Loki disappears and the Avengers and left alone in their Tower.

* * *

*Hávamál (Sayings of the High One) – Norse Drinking Song

* * *

A/N: Yeah, so you probably all guessed that that one was coming. As my apology for cliche, I won't end the story on this chapter :)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: It's finally finished! Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing and being such an encouragement to me while I wrote this. It's now over twice as long as the original draft had been and a lot of that credit goes to you guys.

Also, if I labeled chapters. This chapter would be titled "A series of unhealthy ways to deal with your problems," because somewhere along the line this story stopped being cute quasi-relationship fluff and turned into "let's try and fix all the Avengers' problems".

* * *

Steve doesn't leave his room for three days, refusing to believe thatLoki isn't coming back. He thinks back on the moments they had, on their kiss, on Loki saving him, on the drawings, and had he really read the signs so wrong? He thought he'd been getting through to Loki, but had he been waiting to leave this whole time?

Steve doesn't answer when Thor knocks, and eventually Thor stops trying. Steve knows he should get up, and he should move around, train, apologize to his teammates for his uncharacteristic behavior, but he can't do anything but flip through his sketchbook.

He stays holed up in his room angry that he'd let himself get sucked into Loki's trap. He doesn't leave his room, because he's afraid of the 'told you so' looks, and he just can't face anyone right now.

* * *

The first time Steve leaves his room he goes down to the Loki's. It hasn't been touched since Loki left, and the bed is rumpled and unmade, and Steve tries not to think about how hard it is to sleep without Loki to curl around. He isn't successful at keeping that thought out, nor the one that follows, how much he misses the little touches, the half-smiles.

He knows that Loki's gone, it's been three days, but it really sinks in when Steve sees that the helmet is gone. The bedside table is empty, and Steve picks it up and tosses it across the room. He yells as it crashes against the wall and pretends Loki had been standing there. Loki with his stupid smile that makes Steve's stomach flutter and tears that makes Steve want to hold him, and Steve starts throwing everything he can get his hands on.

It isn't until he's sweating and panting for breath that he looks around. The room is destroyed. There are pieces of wood scattering the floor from where the bedside table broke, the lamp shattered against the wall, the curtains have been ripped down. The only thing that's still intact is the bed, and Steve drops down on it and lets himself cry.

When Steve goes into the kitchen for breakfast, everyone watches him with wary eyes. Tony doesn't even crack a joke and that pisses Steve off more than anything.

"I'm not fragile," he says, pouring himself a glass of milk as if he hasn't spent the last three days hiding from them.

"Never said you were," Tony says. "I was starting to wonder if you were going to sleep for another 100 years."

"Were you going to offer to kiss me to wake me up?"

Tony grins. "Obviously."

"I think I would've preferred the nap," Steve says before downing his glass of milk.

Tony smiles even as the others laugh at him, because maybe things are going to be okay.

* * *

Steve is in the gym, the only place where he can truly forget everything. He runs until his shirt is soaked through, and he's breathing heavy, and his mind is blessedly blank and then he lifts. He lets the strain of muscles push out thoughts of Loki, the determination it takes to fight through fatigue replace lingering memories, and he loses himself in the sheer physicality of working out.

He re-racks the squat bar and leans over, his hands on his quads. His quad muscles are burning and his legs are a little shaky, and he relishes the feeling of having pushed his body to its limits.

"I'm glad to see that you are doing better," Thor says.

Steve looks over to see Thor leaning against the wall of mirrors that let Steve analyze his form while he lifts. Steve stands up and wonders if he could handle another set, just to discourage Thor from talking to him. He's been purposefully ignoring the Norse god, because he knows Thor will want to talk about Loki, and Steve's doing his best to forget about him.

"My brother does not deal well with love."

Steve sighs and wipes his forehead. There went his hopes to make Thor go away and keep Loki out of his head. Steve had left himself vulnerable the night he confessed to Loki, and everyone had seen his weakness and how little he actually meant to Loki. It was painful, it was humiliating, and he doesn't want to linger on the memory of that night. He especially doesn't want to bond with Thor over it.

"Wonder who's fault that is," Steve says, stepping out of the squat cage. His concentration has been shot so he might as well shower now and go eat something.

"What exactly are you implying?" Thor asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

Steve knows he should apologize, or at the very least just walk away, but he's tired of hurting. He's tired of pretending to smile so the others don't look at him with pity. He's tired of Thor's endless optimism and conviction that 'my brother will return'.

"Maybe if he'd been used to being loved, say had a loving family, he wouldn't have such a hang up."

Thor's expression is positively thunderous, and he leaps at Steve. They crash to the ground, Thor's hands pinning Steve's arms at his sides. "I have always loved my brother. Do not blame me for your own inadequacies."

Steve wraps his legs around Thor's waist and flips them. He punches Thor, his fist catching Thor's chin, snapping his head to the side. Thor grabs Steve and throws him off. Steve hits the ground and rolls, popping up in time for Thor to tackle him. Steve gets an elbow to the gut and he gasps before Thor's fist connects with his nose.

Blood starts to pour down his face, and Thor looks stricken for a moment, before Steve returns the favor, clipping Thor's eye. Thor falls back, clutching his eye, and Steve presses his advantage. His next punch is aimed at Thor's face, but it's blocked. So is his next, aimed at Thor's ribs. Steve catches Thor's arm and twists, sending the god to the floor. The gym vibrates with the impact.

Steve presses his foot down between Thor's shoulder blades. "Not so inadequate now."

Thor growls and flips, grabbing Steve's foot and sending him to the floor. They both scramble to their feet and circle each other again. Steve tastes blood so he wipes his face on his sleeve, careful to keep an eye on Thor.

Steve makes the first move, running in, but Thor grabs his arms and starts to spin until Steve's feet are no longer touching the ground. With a defeating roar, Thor releases him, and Steve crashes into the wall. He slides down to the floor, his entire body aching, and it seems like a lot of effort to get up. He knows that he's in the middle of battle, and he shouldn't give up, but giving up seems like such a good idea.

Thor's at his side in a moment, his hands nervous as they gently touch Steve's shoulder then his arm then his side. "Are you all right? I did not mean to. I apologize for getting carried away."

Steve groans and pushes himself into a sitting position. "I provoked you. Not your fault."

"I have injured you," Thor says, his hands hovering over Steve, not quite touching.

"Hey, I got a few good hits in as well." Steve uses the wall to slowly get himself to his feet. "It was a good sparring session."

Thor's face is confused. "Sparring?"

Steve smiles. "You think I'm going to tell Fury we got into a fist fight over Loki?" He laughs. "We got a little carried away sparring. Won't happen again." He pats Thor's cheek and limps out to the showers.

* * *

After the mess with Thor, Steve can't show his face at dinner. Instead, he goes to the corner store and asks the guy manning the counter for the shittiest beer he has. That's how Steve ends up sitting on Loki's bed drinking his way through a 36-pack of Natty Light. The beer is vile, but Steve drinks it anyway before crumpling up the cans and tossing them around the room to join the rest of the wreckage.

He can't get drunk so 36 beers do nothing for him except make him have to pee. He stumbles into the bathroom, his muscles starting to stiffen up from his fight with Thor. He's put his nose back into place, but it's still tender to the touch, and he has several bruises blossoming across his skin.

He slips his sweatpants down so he can take a piss. He needs to pull himself together, but it seems like an awful lot of effort. He doesn't understand why everyone he cares about leaves him. His parents, Dr. Erskine, Bucky. Then there was Peggy but technically he left her and then she died before he could come back. And now there's Loki. There was no sickness, no murder, no war casualty that took Loki away from him. Loki simply left, because Steve isn't enough. He doesn't know what else he should've done.

Steve pulls up his pants and goes to wash his hands.

"I thought you were never going to be done."

Steve jumps and spins around to see Tony casually standing in the shower as if stalking people while they used the bathroom was completely normal.

"What are you doing?" Steve demands. "Have you been watching me?"

"Be glad I waited until after you were done," Tony says. He grins but the smile quickly falls off his face. "We need to talk."

"In the bathroom?"

Tony sits down on the edge of the bathtub. "You've made a mess of the room."

Steve ducks his head, ashamed, and finishes washing his hands. Some part of him knew that this conversation was going to happen. He hadn't thought it would be with Tony, but he knew someone was going to call him on his spiral. He'd hoped to break himself out of it before someone had to do it for him.

He puts the toilet seat down and sits down. "Okay."

"Okay?" Tony runs a hand through his hair. He'd hoped for denial, anger, something he could respond to. He should've known Steve wouldn't make this easy. "Steve, I know a thing or two about rejection. I also know a thing or two about self-destruction. And right now? You're making me look like an amateur."

"I'm going to be fine."

"I'm reasonably certain of that, but you're taking too long. What happens if there's an attack tomorrow? You're going to come with us beat up and smelling like stale beer?"

"Of course not." Steve's offended that Tony would ever think that Steve would let his team down. Is that really how low he's gotten? He tries to remember the last time he showered. The last time he had a proper meal. The last time he had a normal conversation with someone. He can't believe he's let it get this far.

"Where's our leader?" Tony asks. "Where's that scrappy kid from Brooklyn who never gave up? Where's the soldier that took on HYDRA? Where's that pain in the ass that rode me for not being mature enough, not being moral enough, just plain not being enough?"

Where indeed, Steve wonders. And then he gets it. Loki's wounded Steve, but there's more to him than just Steve. The man Tony just described, the man that can handle anything is Captain America, and Captain America never fell in love with Loki. Captain America puts his team first, his mission first. He doesn't let emotions get in the way of doing his duty. Steve never should've tried to do this on his own. And he should've seen the solution before Tony had to point it out to him.

"You're right," Steve says, standing up. "I've let my team down, but that's going to change starting now."

Tony looks surprised. "Really? That worked?"

Steve smiles and claps Tony on the shoulder. "You're a good teammate, Tony. I'm glad to have you on board. Why don't you go get some rest? I'll see you in the morning."

"Uh, okay," Tony says as Steve ushers him out.

Steve follows him out so he can run up to his room. He puts on his uniform, feeling a sense of calm wash over him. He feels the most clear headed he's been in a long time. The uniform reminds him of his purpose. He's here to save lives, not to create chaos. He settles the cowl over his face and runs back downstairs. He doesn't go to bed until Loki's room is spotless.

* * *

"I am a genius," Tony says at breakfast where everyone but Steve is present. "I fixed our Steve problem."

"Oh good," Clint says. "I was starting to get tired of his moping."

"Are you sure he's fine?" Natasha asks.

Tony grins. "Genius, remember?"

Before anyone can say anything else, Steve strides into the kitchen. He's in his uniform pants which tuck into his boots. He's in a blue underarmor long sleeve, and he's not wearing his gloves or his mask, but the image is clear.

"Morning," Steve says, giving them a curt nod. He busies himself making eggs.

Natasha meets Tony's gaze over the table and raises her eyebrows. 'Genius?' she mouths. Tony shrugs and wonders if maybe he should've waited to gloat until he had proven results.

* * *

They're all assembled in SHIELD for the first time since Loki's disappearance. Steve's wearing his usual half of his uniform, but no one's called him on it. They're too afraid he'll revert back to the non drunken mess he was before. Fury looks at Steve's outfit and knows he should say something, because the last time Steve decided to start dressing differently there was an issue, but he trusts his team to solve their own problems.

"Things have been quiet," Fury says, putting his hand on the back of Coulson's chair. "I'm surprised that Loki isn't stirring up trouble, but I'm relieved."

Steve can feel everyone's eyes shift toward him at the mention of Loki's name. He doesn't look away from Fury. He's not sure if anyone outside the Avengers know exactly what happened the night the spell was broken so he doesn't want to give anything away in case they don't. Besides, he really doesn't need his problem rehashed again, in front of Directory Fury of all people. No, not his problems. Steve's problems. Captain America's problems are much more serious. Hunger, war, natural disasters. Captain America is concerned with protecting the people of the world. What is Steve's minor heartbreak in comparison to that?

"Until he does something, we're going to assume he's not hostile," Fury continues. "That leaves us in a unique situation. Things are pretty quiet right now so we're going to split into non-Avenger duties. Stark, you're going to focus on inventing. Dr. Banner, we have some interesting genetics research we want you to take a look at. Clint and Natasha, Coulson will brief you on your mission after this meeting. Thor, I believe your father would like to see you. You should return to Asgard for a time. Keep your phones on you. We might need to summon you."

"What about Steve?" Tony asks. He wasn't lying when he told Steve he knew a few things about bad break-ups and what Steve really doesn't need right now is a lot of time to sit and mope around. Even if he's decided that playing dress-up will cure him of his problems.

"He will train and continue to catch up on the 21st century."

Tony opens his mouth to protest, but he can't think of anything else for Steve to do. Volunteer at a soup kitchen? Teach art to kids in the inner city? What is there for a super soldier to do when there's no fighting?

"With all due respect, sir, that's not what I plan on doing."

Everyone turns to Steve, for the second time this meeting, but Steve holds his ground, keeping his head high and his eyes locked on Fury.

"Oh?" Fury asks. "And what exactly is it that you plan on doing?"

"Tsunami relief in Japan. I can train while I'm there and even bring homework, but I'm not going to sit around and do nothing while there are people who need me. I'm more than just a soldier."

Fury claps his hands together. "Well, then. Everyone happy now? Good. Remember, keep your phones on you and answer when we call." Fury looks directly at Tony for that one. "You never know when the Earth will need you."

Tony waves a hand. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're responsible super heroes. Can we go so I can get back to my real life? The one where I party and drink and have sex with really hot women?"

"I would hate to keep you from something so important," Fury says. "You're all dismissed."

Tony's halfway out the door when he sees Steve go up to Thor.

"Safe travels, soldier," Steve says, clasping Thor's shoulder. "I'll see you when you return."

Thor frowns because he's not sure what to make of Captain America, but eventually he pulls Steve in for a hug. "Until we meet again, comrade."

Tony watches as everyone exchanges goodbyes and something twists in his stomach. He doesn't like the finality of goodbyes. He accidently makes eye contact with Bruce, and he rushes out of the door before the doctor can make his way over to him. He's not being a coward, Tony tells himself, because there's no need for goodbyes. They're going to see each other again. They're a team and they're only temporarily disbanding.

* * *

It's easy for Captain America to lose himself in Japan. He was nervous when he first arrived, but they welcomed him, remembering him as one of the men who helped save the world and not the man who fought for America in WWII.

He wears his uniform, but they don't treat him as Captain America. He takes order instead of gives them, lets other people tell him where to go and what to do. It's such a relief to give up control, to let someone else run his life that the time passes faster than he realizes.

Even better, between searching for survivors, uncovering houses, building flood defenses, and everything else they have him doing, he doesn't have much time to think. Loki fades to a distant part of his memory, and he finally thinks that he's going to be able to move on. It brings a smile to his face, and after a month he stops wearing his cowl everywhere.

* * *

Captain America ducks into his room, the door frames are a little short for him, and he freezes. Something doesn't seem right. He reaches down to pick up his shield, but it isn't where it's supposed to be. He looks to the other side of his door, wondering if he'd misplaced it. It isn't there either. His heart begins to pound, adrenaline coursing through his body, preparing him for a fight.

"Reveal yourself," he says, searching the shadows of his room for the intruder.

"You might want to turn on the light," a voice Captain America knows all too well suggests.

Captain America's limbs are suddenly weak, the will to fight rushing out of his body. He flips the light switch and sees Loki standing in the corner of his room, his shield resting against the wall next to him. Loki's in his Asgardian apparel and carefully studying Captain America's face.

Captain America forces himself to keep his face blank. He's not going to give Loki the satisfaction of getting anything from him. "Clever plan. Lure us into a false sense of security so we scatter and you can pick us off one by one."

Loki looks mildly surprised. "I'm not here to cause harm."

"You have my shield."

Loki looks down at the weapon. "I didn't want to get hit in the face for surprising you so I moved it out of easy reach. You may have it back if you promise not to swing it at my head."

Captain America doesn't understand what's going on. Why is Loki here if he's not here to fight? Why did he wait to show up until he had finally been able to go a whole day without thinking about him? Was that part of his plan? Keep Captain America so distracted by Steve's emotions he couldn't fight?

Loki's smile falters. "You're not pleased to see me?"

Captain America's mouth falls open. "Not pleased to—what the hell are you doing here?"

"Are you all right, Steve?"

Captain America laughs and shakes his head because Loki is asking him if he's all right. Loki who tried to destroy the Earth. Loki who had made Steve fall in love with him only to leave without a word. Loki who is the god of mischief and lies, and he's asking Steve if he's okay?

"Not Steve." Captain America says, remembering who he is. He bends down to pick up his cowl which Loki had thoughtfully left by the door when he took the shield. He fastens it into place. "Captain America."

Steve may not be okay, he might be trembling at the sight of Loki, but Captain America is composed. He studies Loki's movements for signs that he's a threat, settles his body into a position to fight if it comes down to it.

"They're the same," Loki says.

"Guess you're not the god of wisdom." Captain America closes the door, because he doesn't want anyone to pass by his room and see that he has a guest. Especially since his guest is a super villain. An extremely attractive super villain.

Captain America can't help but notice that Loki looks good. Healthy. Happy. His skin isn't the sickly pale it had been when he first came to Steve after the spell, and his eyes aren't rimmed with red like he's trying desperately not to cry. Captain America wonders if he's spent the past three months laughing at the chaos he'd caused in Steve's mind.

"You're having an identity crisis?" Loki asks. "That's what this is about?"

No, he's not having an identity crisis. He's Captain America which means he has none of Steve's weaknesses. He has Steve's strength, enhanced by Erskine's formula, and it makes him invincible to Loki. Only, he finds his heart aching now that he's looking at Loki again. He wants to reach out to touch Loki's face, lace his fingers through Loki's. He wants things to go back to how they were. No, that's Steve talking, and he's not Steve right now. He's Captain America. He refuses to let Loki get through his defenses. He really wishes he had his shield.

"This is about you leaving Steve," he finally says, because Loki doesn't seem to understand that he's done anything wrong. "This is about how Steve confessed his love for you, and you left. Left like it meant nothing."

He tries to speak like Steve is an acquaintance, like it doesn't matter to him that Steve's been hurt, but his voice wavers, and he knows he's failed.

"You're angry with me?" It's Loki's turn to look shocked. "That's why you've run away to Japan and are playing dress up?"

"Angry with you? No. That would imply that I felt something toward you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a long day tomorrow so I need to rest. There are people counting on Captain America."

Betrayal flashes through Loki's eyes, then anger, and Captain America hopes that he'll leave. A small part of him hopes that he'll try to fight him. He wants to grab a fistful of that pretty black hair and shove Loki's face into a wall. He wants to give Loki a small fraction of an idea what it's like to hurt the way Steve's been hurting. That kind of response is beneath Captain America, though, so he locks his hands behind his back. He's going to get Loki to leave without violence, no matter how tempting violence is.

For a moment, Captain America thinks that Loki is going to leave with a huff and a flip of his cape, but then he tilts his head to the side and looks at Captain America like he can stare straight into his soul. Captain America feels vulnerable without his shield to protect him.

"You don't get it, do you?" Loki asks. "Do you remember what you told me after you'd been kidnapped? You gave me a lecture on how people can't have a healthy relationship if one of them is dependent on the other. I was dependent on you, Steve. I would've died without you. You told me you loved me, but I couldn't answer, because I didn't know how I felt about you. I didn't run away to hurt you. I've spent the past three months making sure that I could live without you. How little do you think of me?"

Captain America pauses. Had he really just heard what he thought he had? Loki didn't leave because he hated him? He left to figure out his feelings? No. It's another trick. It's his attempt to break Captain America's shields and strike at him where he's weakest, Steve's emotions. He's stronger than that. He can't let hope destroy him.

"I don't need you anymore," Loki says, his eyes never leaving Steve's face, "but I want you."

He walks toward Steve, and Captain America finds that he can't move. Loki wants him? But he'd left. Captain America doesn't understand. Neither does Steve.

Loki stops in front of Steve and reaches around to touch the clasp of the cowl. His fingers hesitate, his eyes searching Steve's for permission. Captain America doesn't know what to do. Loki's standing in front of him, asking for permission, and that should be enough to tell him that he's telling the truth, but Captain America's thoughts are being influence by Steve's desperation, and he can't trust his own instincts. Captain American needs to put distance between them. He needs to clear his head so that he can think.

Loki's fingertips skim his chin. "Please believe me. I'm not here to harm you. I," Loki pauses, his gaze dropping from Steve's. "I care deeply for you."

Steve doesn't know which is more convincing, the please or the confession. He rips the mask off his face and tosses it to the ground. He savors Loki's relief for a moment, glad it isn't triumph he sees on the god's face, and pulls the other man to him.

One of Steve's hands fists in Loki's hair and other wraps tight around Loki's waist, holding him against Steve's body as if that will keep him from disappearing if he wants to.

Finally, Steve kisses him, a desperate plea for Loki to stay, for this to be real. Loki kisses him back, his hands clinging to Steve's uniform. Steve sweeps his tongue through Loki's mouth, claiming it, claiming him. He wants to rip Loki's clothes off and mark his skin. He wants to make Loki so thoroughly his that he'll never try to leave again.

Loki breaks the kiss, pressing a finger to Steve's lips when he tries to follow Loki's movement so he can kiss him again. There is no mischief lurking in Loki's eyes, no smirk tugging at his lips. His lips are red and kiss swollen and his eyes are frenzied with want and pleasure, and Steve wonders if he looks the same.

Loki steps back and brings his hands up to unclasp his cape. It slides to the floor in a soft sigh of fabric, and Steve watches it pool on the ground, transfixed. Loki slowly undresses until he's in a black t-shirt and black sweatpants that Steve's pretty sure he bought when Loki had been living with them.

Loki steps carefully out of his offering of armor and climbs into Steve's bed. He pats the empty space beside him. "This is one of the things I missed the most while I was reflecting."

Steve has a pretty good idea of how Loki felt. He shucks off his uniform, and it isn't until he's at the edge of his bed that he realizes he's only in his briefs. He's exposed and he hates showing anymore weakness in front of someone who may be setting an elaborate trap.

"Will you be here in the morning?" Steve asks, and he doesn't want to meet Loki's eyes when he speaks, doesn't want to show the other man the sheer need Steve is feeling, but he's not a coward so he looks Loki straight in the eye.

"Yes."

Simple and direct, another hint that this isn't a trick. Steve gets into bed and curls around Loki's body so they'll both fit, and buries his face in Loki's hair. Maybe he's wrong, and he'll wake up alone tomorrow perhaps irreversibly broken. But maybe he's right, and he wouldn't be a good soldier if he didn't take risks.


End file.
